1 Chronicles 2
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Teh kittehs ub Israel
Lotz moar kittehs
3 Teh kittehs of Judhaz; Erz, n Onanz, , Shelhaz: thoz tree wuz fum teh kitteh of Shuaz teh Canaanitezzz. An Erz, teh fust-kitteh of Judhaz, wuz EBIL in teh c-ing of teh all-cing Ceiling Cat, an he sniped himz.4 Tamarz hims kitteh-in-law bornz himz Pharze n Zerhazz. All teh kittehs of Judhaz were five and pwetty leetz.
5 Teh kittehs uf Pharzez; Hezronzz, and Hamulz.
6 Teh kittehs of Zerah; Zimriz, Ethannz, Hemanz, Calcoolz and Dardaz. Dey wuz five kittehs! Lolz.
7 Teh kitteh ob Catmiz; Achar, who waz in ur temples, stealin ur devoted thingz.
8 Teh kitteh uv Ethannz; Azariahhhhhhhh!
9 Teh kittehs Hezronzz wuz Jerahmeelz, Ram n Calebz.
Eben moar kittehs! Srsly!
10 Ram has beens teh fathah of Amminadabz, and Amminadabz the fathah ov Nahshonz, whoo bez teh pwnzor leeder of teh Judah peeps.11 Nahshonz have Salmon (Ceiling Cat favrit!), Salmon hav kid Boazz,12 Boazz have kid Obed an Obed hav kid Jesse.
13 Den Jesse can has Eliab n Abinadab n Shimea14 n Nethanel n Raddai15 n Ozem n David (David iz teh pwnzors).16 Thoz kittehs can has sissers Zeruiah n Abigail. Zeruiah hav kittehs Abishai, Joab, n Asahel.17 Abigail bez mudder uv Amasa, hoo hav fathah Jether teh Ishmaelite.
18 n den Calebz, Hezronzzs kitteh, had kittehs with Azubah and Jerioth. Thear kittehs wer Jesher, Shobab, n Ardon.19 Azubah died, n Caleb had a kitteh with Ephrath (teh pmp!) namd Hur.20 n Hur wuz dady ov Uri, n Uri dady ov Bezaleel.21 n den Hezron maried Machir, whose dady wuz Gileads dady, n wen Hezron wuz 60, Machir n him maed a baby namd Segub.
22 Segub had kid Jair, n he ownd 23 cities in Gilead's place.23 n so Jairs towns combind wiht Kenaths n Geshur n Aram maed 60. All dese wer ownd by kittehs ob Machir, Gileads dady.24 n den Hezron wuz ded in Calbe-ephratah, den his wife Abiah had his kid Ashur, who wuz teh dady ob Tekoa.
25 Hezrons first kitteh, Jerahmeel, had kid Ram, den Bunah, n Oren, n Ozem, n Ahijah.26 Jerahmeel haz lady kat naemd Atarah and together they haz kid Onam.27 Ram (first kitteh of Jerahmeel) haz kidz Maaz n Jamin n Eker.
EBEN MOAR KITTEHS!
28 An' Onams kittehs wuz Shammai n Jada. n Shammais kittehs wuz Nadab n Abishur. 29 n Abishurz wife wuz Abihail, n dey maed babeez Ahban n Molid. 30 n Nadabs kitttehs wuz Seled n Appaim, but Seled died b4 he has had kittehs. 31 n Ishi wuz Appaims kitteh. n Ishis kitteh wuz Sheshan. n Sheshans Ahlai. 32 n Shammais bruders, Jadas, wuz Jonathan n Jether, but Jether died young n has no kittehs. 33 n Jonathan had kid Peleth n Zaza. All dese be deh kittehs ob Jerahmeel. 34 Nao Sheshan no had kittehs, had dautr kittehs. n Sheshan had srvnt (Egyptian dood LOL), Jarha. 35 Sheshan giv him dautr kitteh to Jarha to mery, n her maed Attai. 36 Attais kitteh wuz Nathan, Nathans kitteh wuz Zabad, 37 Zabads kitteh wuz Ephlal, Ephlals kitteh wuz Obed, 38 Obeds kitteh wuz Jehu, Jehus kitteh wuz Arariah 39 Azariahs kitteh wuz Helez, Helezs kitteh wuz Eleasah, 40 Eleasahs kitteh wuz Sismai, Sismais kitteh wuz Shallum 41 Shallums kitteh wuz Jekamiah, n Jekamiahs kitteh wuz Elishama. Dey wer da Caleb Clan. 42 Snsz of Caleb, bros to Jerahmeel: Mesha wuz frstbrn kitteh of Ziph, his kitteh wuz Mareshah n his kitteh wuz Hebron. 43 Snsz of Hebron: Korah, Tappuah, Rekem n Shema.44 Shemas kitteh wuz Raham, Rahams kitteh wuz Jorkeam. Rekems kitteh wuz Shammai.45 Teh kitteh of Shammai wuz Maon, n Maons kitteh wuz Beth Zur. 46 Calebs konkubyn Ephah wuz Haran n Moza n Gazezses mom. 47 Jahdaisz kittehs wuz Regem n Jotham n Geshan n Pelet n Ephah n Shaaph. 48 Calebs konkubyn wuz Sheber n Tirhanahzs mom.49 Her also maed Shaaph (him kitteh wuz Madmannah) n Sheva (him kittehs wuz Macbenah n Gibea).50 Dese be teh kittehs of Caleb. The kittehs of Hur, the furst kitteh of Ephrathah: Shobal has kitteh called Kiriath Jearim,51 Salma has kitteh called Bethlehem, and Hareph has kitteh called Beth Gader. 52 The kittehs of Shobal (whose kitteh was Kirith Jearim): Haroeh, half the Manahathites,53 and the kittehs of Kiriath Jearim: the Ithrites, Puthites, Shumathites and Mishraites. Dey has teh kittehs dat is Sorathites and Eshtaolites. 54 The kittehs of Salma: Bethlehem, the Netophathites, Atroth Beth Joab, half the Manahathites, the Zorites,55 and the kittehs who writes stuff in Jabez; the Tirathites, Shimeathites and Sucathites. Dem is teh Kenites who caem from Hammath, who have the kittehs of Recab.
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