1 John 2

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New Testament


Baby Jeezes helpded us

1 Lissen kidz, I be tellinz u to not do thoz bad tihngs. Buht if u do thoz evils anywayz, Bebeh Jebus, he tellz teh Ceiling Cat taht u rly be gud.2 An Bebeh Jebus, he be tellin Ceiling Cat for everywunz! Not jus for u, but for teh whole urfs! WOAH!! :D3 If u knowz teh Bebeh Jebus, tehn u do what he seyz.

4 If u knowz Bebeh Jebus an u dont do whut he seyz, u suxxorz.5 Buht if u do whut he seyz, tehn Jebus luvs u, an u knows it.6 Do liek Bebeh Jebus do, an it be all gud. Srsly.

New Commandz

7 Iz not liek u didnt know dis stuff alreadys.8 Buht I haz a new thing to tell u, an it be troofs. Teh dark stuff iz done, an teh lite iz all shineh an stuff.9 If u think u all shineh an stuff, buht u hatin peeps, tehn u rly in teh dark.10 If u luvs peeps, tehn u can see even in teh dark, liek teh kittehs do, an u no fall down.11 Buht if u hates peeps, tehn u iz all blind, an u fall down an run into things liek u stoopid.

No Luvs for da Urfs

12 I iz writin dis for all teh bebehs, cuz Bebeh Jebus makes ur invisbuhl evils go away, cuz he just iz awsum liek taht.13 I iz writin dis for all teh dadz, cuz u has knowed Bebeh Jebus for alwayz. I iz writin dis for all teh yung doodz, cuz u has pwned teh baddies. I iz writin dis for all teh bebehs, cuz tehy knows teh Ceiling Cat.

14 I wuz gonna repet all teh stuff I just sayed, buht I changed my mind. BTW, Bebeh Jebus rulez.

15 U iz not sposed to luv da urfs, or the stuff in da urfs. If u luv da urths, u iz not savin ur luvs for teh Ceiling Cat.16 Lustin after urf stuff iz bad. Urf stuffs iz not Ceiling Cat stuffs.17 Da urf gonna be all ded, an ur lusts gonna be all ded, buht not teh Ceiling Cat. Teh Ceiling Cat lives for alwayz an ehvur. An teh peeps who luv teh Ceiling Cat, tehy lives liek taht, too. Liek, forehvur an stuff.

Peeps who dun leik Bebbeh Jebus sux. Srsly.

18 Kidz, dis teh end of da urths. U heerz taht teh anti-Jebus iz comin? Srsly, now there bez lotsa dem anti-Jebuses. Taht how u know dis be teh end of da urths. Srsly.19 Dem anti Jebuses? Tehy leeved. Taht mean tehy not liek u. If tehy was liek u, tehy stay. But tehy goed. So u knowz tehy not liek u.20 But u haz cheezburgurz from Ceiling Cat, so u knowz all dis stuff.21 I haz not writed cuz you not know troofs. I haz writed it cuz u knowz it, an u knowz taht liez iz not troofs.

22 If anywun sayz Jebus not roxxor, he be lyinz. He iz anti-Jebus, who not liek Ceiling Cat or Jebus.23 If you no liek Jebus, u no haz cheezburgurz frum Ceiling Cat. If u liek Jebus, u haz cheezburgurs.24 Think bout dis stuff. If u do, u haz Jebus an u also haz Ceiling Cat.25 Ceiling Cat sayed u get cheezburgurs, an he meaned it. Srlsy.

26 I haz writin u dis stuffs bout teh baddies. Watch out for dem. Srsly. Tehy iz bad nuse an tehy suxxorz.27 Teh cheezburgurs iz urs witout u even knowin bout dem, cuz teh cheezburgurs teached u. No lie. Srsly.

28 Luv Jebus, an when he comz back, there be a partay.29 Jebus iz gud, so all teh gud peeps are his kidz.

1 John 2
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