1 John 3

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New Testament

1 Hoewz grait iz teh luv teh Father haz lavizhd on uz, dat we is be called childz ov Ceiling Cat! And dat is wut we r! Teh reazonz teh wurldz does not be knowingz us iz dat it is be not know him.2 Der fwiendz, now we iz be childrenz of Ceiling Cat, and wut we will be haz not being maded known. But we iz b knowing dat wen he apyrz, we shal be like him, coz we shall seez him as he is be being.3 Evry1 hu is be haz dis hope in him purifyz himzself, juzt az he is being purez n stuff.

4 Evry1 hu sinz brakez teh law; in fakt, sinz is lawzlesnesss.5 But u know dat he apyrd so dat he mite takez our sinz and giv us cookies! And in him iz be no sinz. No1 hu livz in him sinz.6 No1 hu sinz haz teh seen him or knownz him.

7 Deerz childrnz, du nit let pplz leed u astray wiv cookies. He hu is be doing wut iz rite iz richus, juzt as he is be richus.8 He doez wut iz sinzfull ov teh devilz, coz teh devilz haz bean siningz from teh beginz! Teh reasonz teh Son of Ceiling Cat apyred waz to asplode teh devilz wurkz.9 No1 hu iz bornz of Ceiling Cat will do sinz, ciz Ceiling Cat's seed remaynz in him; he cannot do teh sinz, cos he haz been born ov Ceiling Cat.10 Thiz iz how we iz be knowing hu teh childrnz of Ceiling Cat r and hu teh childrnz of teh devilz r: Any1 hu duz not du wut iz rite iz not a childz of Ceiling Cat; nor iz any1 hu duz not luv hiz bro.

Luv 1 anuva

11 Dis iz teh mezzag u herd from teh begginingz: We shud Luv 1 anuva.12 Du not be liek Cain, hu iz belongz to teh EVILZ 1 and murdzored hiz bro. And y did he be murdzoring hiz bro? coz hiz own actchonz wer EVILZ and hiz bro'z wer richus and he had cookies.

13 Do not b being surprized, my broz, if teh wurld hatez u.14 We know dat we haz passd frim deth 2 lif, coz we luv our broz ova our hoes. Any1 hu iz not b loving remaynz in deth.15 Any1 hu hatez his bro is a murdzora, and u know dat no murdzora haz eternal lif or any cookies.16 Dis iz how we is be knowing wut luv iz: Jebus Kryzt layd down hiz lif 4 us. And we is b shuld lay down our lifz 4 our broz.17 If Any1 haz materyal pozeshionz and seez hiz bro in need but haz no pity on him, how can teh luv of Ceiling Cat be in him?

Da test of belief

18 Kittens, luv is wot you duz, not sayz.19 Do dat and Ceiling Cat liek you.20 You OK wif it, Ceiling Cat OK wif you.21 You not OK wif it, Ceiling Cat not OK wif you. It dat simple.22 Wot we ask, we get's, cuz we do wot Ceiling Cat liek.23 Ceiling Cat sayz Believez in Jebus an luvz other kittehs.24 Do that and Ceiling Cat be down wif you. An you knoe dat cuz of Hover Cat be wif you.

1 John 3
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