1 Samuel 28
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Saul and Teh Ewok of Endor
1 In dose dais teh filistinez gatherd their forcez 2 fight against israel. Achish sed 2 david, "u must understand dat u an ur doodz will accompany me in da army."2 david sed, "den u will c 4 yourself wut ur servant can do." Achish replid, "vry well, im gonna mak u mah bodyguard 4 life."
3 nao samuel wuz ded, an all israel had mournd 4 him an burid him in his own town ov ramah. Saul had expelld teh mediums an spiritists frum teh land.4 teh filistinez assembld an came an set up camp at shunem, while saul gatherd all teh israelitez an set up camp at gilboa.5 when saul saw teh filistine army, he wuz afraid; terror filld his hart.6 he inquird ov teh lord, but teh lord did not anzwr him by dreams or urim or profets.
7 saul den sed 2 his attendants, "find me woman hoo iz medium, so i cud go an inquire ov her." "thar iz wan in endor," they sed.8 so saul disguisd him, puttin on othr clothez, an at nite he an 2 doodz went 2 teh woman. "consult spirit 4 me," he sed, "an brin up 4 me teh wan i naym."9 but teh woman sed 2 him, "surely u knoe wut saul has dun. He has cut off da mediums an spiritists frum teh land. Y has u set trap 4 mah life 2 brin bout mah death?"10 saul swore 2 her by teh lord, "as surely as teh lord livez, u will not be punishd 4 dis."11 den teh woman askd, "whom shall i brin up 4 u?" "brin up samuel," he sed.12 when teh woman saw samuel, she crid out at teh top ov her voice an sed 2 saul, "y has u deceivd me? U r saul!"13 teh king sed 2 her, "doan be afraid. Wut do u c?" Teh woman sed, "i c spirit [a] comin up out ov teh ground."14 "wut doez he look liek?" he askd. "an old man wearin robe iz comin up," she sed. Den saul knew it wuz samuel, an he bowd down an prostratd him wif his face 2 teh ground.
15 samuel sed 2 saul, "y has u disturbd me by bringin me up?" "im in great distres," saul sed. "teh filistinez r fightin against me, an ceilin cat has turnd away frum me. He no longr anzwers me, eithr by profets or by dreams. So i has calld on u 2 tell me wut 2 do."16 samuel sed, "y do u consult me, nao dat teh lord has turnd away frum u an become ur enemy?17 teh lord has dun wut he predictd thru me. Teh lord has torn teh kingdom out ov ur hanz an given it 2 wan ov ur neighborsâ€”2 david.18 cuz u did not obey teh lord or carry out his fierce wrath against teh amalekitez, teh lord has dun dis 2 u todai.19 teh lord will hand ovar both israel an u 2 teh filistinez, an 2morrow u an ur sons will be wif me. Teh lord will also hand ovar teh army ov israel 2 teh filistinez."
20 immediately saul fell full length on teh ground, filld wif fear cuz ov samuels werdz. His strength wuz gone, 4 he had eaten nothin all dat dai an nite.21 when teh woman came 2 saul an saw dat he wuz greatly shaken, she sed, "look, ur maidservant has obeyd u. I took mah life in mah hanz an did wut u told me 2 do. 22 nao plz listen 2 ur servant an let me giv u sum fud so u cud eat an has teh strength 2 go on ur wai."23 he refusd an sed, "im gonna not eat." But his doodz joind teh woman in urgin him, an he listend 2 them. He got up frum teh ground an sat on teh couch.
24 teh woman had fattend calf at teh houz, which she butcherd at once. She took sum flour, kneadd it an bakd bread without yeast.25 den she set it before saul an his doodz, an they eatd. Dat same nite they got up an left.
- a - 1 samuel 28:13 or c spirits ; or c godz
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