2 Chronicles 11
From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 When Rehoboam caemed to Jeroosalem, he getted togevver teh haus uv Jooduh an Benjamin — a whole tun uv fighting hoomans — to maek fightz wif Israel an to get teh kingdom for Rehoboam.2 But dis word uv Ceeling Cat caem to Shemaiah teh hooman uv Ceeling Cat:3 "Say to Rehoboam boy kittie uv Solomon king uv Joodah an to all teh Israelites in Joodah an Benjamin,4 Dis is whut Ceeling Cat sayz: No fightz yer bruvvers. Go home, all uv yu, for dis is mai dooing.' " Soz dey followed teh wurd uv Ceeling Cat an not fighted Jeroooboam.
Rehoboam Fortifies Joodah
5 Rehoboam liveded in Jeroosalem an maeked places for defense in Joodah:6 Bethlehem, Etam, Tekoa,7 Beth Zur, Soco, Adullam,8 Gath, Mareshah, Ziph,9 Adoraim, Lachish, Azekah,10 Zorah, Aijalon an Hebron. Dese wuz strongded places in Joodah an Benjamin.11 He strongded dere defenses an put commanders in dem, wif food, oliv oil an wien.12 He put shields an pointy fings in all teh cities, an maed dem veree strong. So Joodah and Benjamin wuz his.13 Teh holi hoomans an Levites from all dere places fru out Israel sided wif him.14 Teh Levites even leftded dere foodlands an stuffs, an caem to Joodah an Jeroosalem coz Jerooooboam an his boy kitties had rejected dem as holi hoomans of Ceeling Cat.15 An he maeked his own holi hoomans for teh high places and for teh goat and calf stachuz he maeked.16 Dose from everee tribe uv Israel hu sended dere hearts on finding Ceeling Cat, teh of Kittie uv Israel, follood teh Levites to Jeroosalem to give gifts to Ceeling Cat, teh Kittie uv dere daddies.17 Dey strongded teh scratcing post uv Joodah an helpded Rehoboam boy kittie uv Solomon tree yeers, walking in teh wais uv David an Solomon during dis time.
18 Rehoboam marreed Mahalath, hu wuz teh gurl kittie uv David's boy kittie Jerimoth an uv Abihail, teh gurl kittie uv Jesse's boy kittie Eliab.19 She giveded him boy kitties: Jeush, Shemariah an Zaham.20 Den he marreed Maacah girl kittie uv Absalom, hu giveded him Abijah, Attai, Ziza an Shelomith.21 Rehoboam lurved Maacah girl kittie uv Absalom more dan any uv his uvver wives an concubines. In all, he had eighteen wives an sixty concubines, twenty-eight boy kitties an sixty gurl kitties.22 Rehoboam maed Abijah boy kittie uv Maacah to be teh chief prince among his bruvvers, in order to maek him king.23 He wuz smart, spreading soem uv his boy children fru-out teh places uv Joodah an Benjamin, and to all teh strongded cities. He gaved dem lots uv foods an took many wives for them.
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