Acts 12

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New Testament
Peter getz out uv jail free

1 Nowz teh FatzCat Herod arrested dem kittenz in teh Ceiling Cat'z church, meaning to bei liek "Im in ur churchz, perzecutin ur pplz.2 Herod haz James, broz to John, and he liek, pwnz him wit haz blades (LOLWPNWD!!1)3 Wehn Herod seez teh Jeuwz has hap1ness, he gos and liek grabz Peter 2 (zomg).4 Wehn he haz arrezted Peter, Herod is liek "ZOMG, l0ckdown!" n haz hem put in teh prisonz. Peter haz so much importance he haz take f0ur packz of d0gcatz to gaurdz him. Herod wanz so much to put Peter on bench and be like ZOMG Trialz! after the Passover.

5 Church praiz 2 Ceiling Cat for Peter. ZOMG, Peterz in jail.

6 Peterz sleepin' tied up between 2 burly men cuz he likes it like that.7 Angelcat suddenly appearz an sez: Wake up! An cuz burly men didn't tie Peter up well teh chains fell off him. Oh an ceiling cat appears, defying ur gravity.

8 Den angelcat sez, "U can haz clothes, lol." n peter did so. "Get ur cloak n follow, d00d," angelcat sed.9 Peter thought he woz on LSD10 No1 could see Peterz and teh gates opened magically! But he wazn't really high

11 Peter sez: Ceiling Cat saved me! Whoo!

12 Cuz he woz on a mission from Ceiling Cat he went an' got his peeps.13 He knocked on their door and his luva Rhoda answered14 She woz happy to see him and cried out even tho Peter woz a fugitive and that woz n00bish

15 No1 believed her, cuz she was high

16 Peter kept knocking cuz teh peeps were too stoned to answer teh door. When they did they all where like WTF?17 Peter told them his story then sed: BRING ME JAMES and ran away cuz he woz a tease

18 In the morning teh burly men were like: Where's our man-bitch?19 Herod killed teh guards & burly men, coz he woz mean & didn't like teh man-love.

Herod goez "Blargh, I am ded"

20 After teh murder Herod listened to sum men beg for food.

21 Den he sat on his thr0ne and spoke to teh l33ts22 Teh l33ts sed: Ceiling Cat stole UR man-bitch!23 Den becuz Herod did not praise Ceiling Cat, an angel wuz liek "STFU noob" and Herod wuz wormfood. Srsly, wow.

24 The word of Ceiling Cat spred. Srsly.

25 John and his peeps went home and had lemonade

Acts 12
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