Acts 20

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New Testament
Paul in Macedonia and Grease

1 Wen teh ZOMG wuz ovr, Paul gots teh dissaipulls an aftah givin dem majr propz wuz liek, "kthxbai" an wen 2 Macedonia.2 Him wen froo daer givin propz to all teh ppls and den gots to Grease.3 Teh Joos on teh whey wuz liek "We killz yoo!" so Paul wen back 2 Macedonia.4 Him brot lotz of d00ds wit him5 and dey wayded for us ad Troas.6 Buh we wen from Phillypai aftr teh big Kitteh Food Feast an joyned dem fiev dayz latr.

Eutychus Respwns in Troas, k?

7 On teh furst day of teh week us caim togethas to eate cheezburgerz. Paul sez thinks to teh kittehs and cuz he was gonna kthxbai evrione tmorroz, he sez more to the kittehs till no moer day cheezburgerz.8 There wuz liek many big shiny candles in teh uprooms wheres we wo eatin ur cheez.9 Doin his business on da neighbourz window was dis yung kitteh calld Eutychus who waz tryin to do his business on teh window but fell to teh Urf cuz Paul speaked wai too much and then Eutychus was died. 110 But then Paul hugz the kitteh and was all like tis ok, he not died, he respawnd.11 Afta that Paul goed to teh uprooms and ated sum cheezburgerz and eated. Then he spoked to tha ppl and was like kthxbai.12 Teh ppl taked respawnd Eutychus hoems and they lol'd.

Pauls kthxbai to teh Ephesian l33ts

13 Us goed wif ship to Assos, wheare us wo gonna let Paul in teh ship. He maed this so cuz he walk thear.14 When we sawed he, us taked he an' goed to Mitylene.15 Then us goed to Miletos thru Kios an' Samos. W00T!16 See guyse, Paul didnt want to be in Asia so he goed past Epheus cuz him wantd to be in Jerusalem befo Pentecost day to hav cookies.

17 Paul msgd teh eldrers from Ephesos to come fo sum cookies.18 Wen they comed, Paul sed to em: "O hai, yu kno from ai first comed to Asia, ai waz hvring with u guyse all the time.19 Ai srvd teh ceelin cat wif lack of digniteh an' wetness tho teh Jews wo cheeters big time. srsly.20 Ai havnt bin hidin ma mad skillz dat cud be hlpfl laters but sharing an' teechin dem to u guyse in pm and public chat.21 Ai hav maed it clears to boaf Jews and Greeks dat their gonna hav to turn to teh Ceelin cat wif puppydog face an' hav fateh in Jebus, k?

22 An' noe teh hovrcat be takin me to Jerusalem, dunno wats gonna hpn there.23 Ai only kno that teh hovrcat is givin errorz dat iz goin to teh catcage an' therez wetness.24 Anyways, am goin to finish teh race an' maek teh task ceelin cat gaiv meh - tellin ppl bout respawn of Jebus an' teh ceelin cats cookies. brb.

25 Dunt thinks youz gonna see meh no moer.26 So iz tellin u, ai didnt doed it. Iznt ma bad if summone has to goe to teh basement, k?27 Cuz ai told yu guyse teh ceelin cats plans.28 Aight den. Take caer of urselfs an others cuz teh hovrcat telld u so. Be shephurds of teh church ceelin cat respawnd for.29 Ai kno dat afta me goes, puppies will come. Their not gonna be niec. srsly.30 Even yurz own kittehs be in ur church failin ur teechin an' maekin bad cheezburgrz.31 Stay frosty, kittehs! Rememba ai never faild warning yu all day an' nite wif wetness.

32 Noe ai leav u wif teh ceelin cat an' teh cheezburgrz, that can maek u big kittehs an' share it wif all teh sanctifieded kittehs.33 Dunt want ur cookies or bukkets or hoomins, k?34 Yu kno dat wif ma pawes ai got enuf cheezburgrz for me an' ma pals.35 Liek dat, ai showd yu dat yu maek cookies (an' no eate em) so dat evrione lols. Just liek Jebus sed: "An WTF is wid kittehs bogarten all teh cheezburgers?!! Dat sheetz gotta stop, srsl. U shud hunt and bringz back noms for de lil kitz or de sick kittehs."

36 Afta dat, he sat wif evri kitteh an' praid37 They wo all wewee wet an' wo givin he hugz.38 It sucked cuz they wud nevar see hem again. Tehn thei took him to teh ship.

Acts 20
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