Acts 21

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New Testament


Goinz to Jerusalem

1 We left, den went to plaices wif funny naemz.2 Den we maed boat trip.3 We saw Cyprus an' den we goed to Syria.4 Teh disiplz was dere. We visted dem. HovrCat maed dem say "Paul, u not goes to Jerusalem, k?"5 But we kthxbaid anywai. Everwun sed bai an' sat on teh beache to prae.6 Den us sed bai an' goed to teh boat. Teh othars goed hoem. (to eat cookies i think?)

7 We wentz to moar plaices wif funny naemz. An we seed teh bruvvers an sed "Hai, bruvvers!"8 Den we wentz to Philipz hows.9 Philip hadz foar ladykittehs! An dey telled teh futur! W00T!10 Afta bein at Philipzs fo sum tiem. Anothar futurrellerer, Agabus comed hear from Judea.11 Him stoled Pauls belt an' got caught in it liek a littel mooh. He sed: "Teh HvrCat sez: 'Jeews aer gonna come an' do dis wif Pauls belt an' giv he to teh bad kittehs.', k?"

12 Wen we heared dat we wo like O.o an' sed dat Paul cant goe to Jerusalem.13 Ten Paul sez: "stfu, iz ok wif jeews taekin me. Iz not only one who dies in Jerusalem fo Jebus."14 We cudz not stopz him so we sez "Wateva Ceiling Cat wontz."

15 Den we goez to Jerusalem.16 Sum disiplz from Caesarea caem wif uz. Dey taeks us to Mnason's hows, were we wuz stayin. He wuz erli disipl from Cyprus.

Paul getz to Jerusalem

17 Wen we getz to Jerusalem teh bruvvers sez hai.18 Teh day afta uz an Paul wentz to see James. All teh wize kittehs wuz dere.19 Paul sez hai an 'splains wut Ceilingcat dun to Gentiles froo him.

20 Wen dey heerz dis dey sez Ceiling Cat srsly cool. Dey sez to Paul: "Yu knoez loadza Jooz haz bleevd. Deyz all crazy bout teh lawz.21 Dey bin tole yu teech teh Jooz, hoo livz wif Gentilz to fogetz Moses. Yu tellz dem not to circa... circum... cutz dem kidz or lives liek teh tradishuns sayz.22 Wut we gun do?!!1! Deyz defo gonna heer yuz caem.23 So yu do wut we sez. Dere's 4 guyz hooz maed promis.24 Goe wif dem. Yu joins deyr purficashun an' payz fo dem to haz hed shayvd. Den all da peeps gon knoe wut dey heerz not troo. Reely yu 'beyz teh law.25 Teh Gentile bleevas, wez rited to dem. We sez not to nom teh fud sacrifisd to idolz or blud or meet from strangld crittahs. Also dey use dem harbls nicely. 26 Teh next day, Paul an' teh men got purified an' went to teh temple. He gave word of teh end of teh purificaion an' when an offerin were to b made.

Paul getz nicked

27 When teh days had alost gone, some Jooz seed Paul at teh temple, pissed off teh crown an' grabbed him sayin,28 "Cats of Izrail, help us! This dood tells evryone against us an' wot we do. He also bring Greeks here an' made it dirty."(29 Cos they sawd Trophimus an' Ephesian in teh city wit Paul.)

30 Teh hole city ran at them. Seizin Paul, they picked him up out of the temple, an' shut teh gatez.31 While they was tryin' to kill him, the Roman troop guy heard they was an uproar.32 He den sent officers and soldiers wit him to teh crowd. When dey seeded him an his soldiers,they stopped beatin Paul.33 Teh commander nicked him, and bound him wit two chains. Den he asked who he were an' y he was beaten up.34 Sum shouted one ting, others another ting, he couldn't understand it an' sent Paul to teh barracks.35 When Paul reached teh steps, teh mob got so violent, like in GTA, he were carried by teh soldiers.36 Teh followin' crowd shouted, "Away wit him!"

Paul sez...

37 As teh soldiers were gonna thro Paul into teh barracks, he asked teh commander, "Can i sez sommat to u?". "Do u sez Greek?" he replied.38 "Ain't u teh guy from Egypt who led four thousand terrorists into teh sand, long time bak?"39 Paul sed, "i'm a Joo, from Tarsus in Cilicia, innit. i is lyk a citizen of no usual city. Let me talk to teh peeps."40 Havin' teh guys permission, Paul stood on teh steps an' motioned to teh crowd. When they was quiet, he sed to them in Aramaic:

Acts 21
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