Acts 28

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New Testament

1 1 Once we waz on landz, we findz that teh ailand waz called Malta.

1 2 Teh peepz on teh ailand waz rly nice. They maked a fire an stuff for us.

1 3 Paul picked up sum grass an putted them on teh fierz and a snake jump out of it and bited him! We lold.

1 4 Teh ailand ppl sed he was a murdurur coz teh snake bited him.

1 5 He got rids uv teh bitey snake in teh fierz an din't getz hurted bai it.

1 6 but we waz liek "watever" coz liek ten minnites later they wer sayin he waz a Ceiling Cat coz he was not hurt by teh snakez poyzen.

1 7 On teh ailand we had sleepover at Publius' howse.

1 8 His dad waz in bed with flu so Paul put his handz on him and lold and then he did not haz flu anymor.

1 9 Then loadz of teh other ppl that had teh flu came to us and we all lold and they waz cured.

1 10 Teh ailand ppl stroked us an gave us lotz of catnip and shiny thingz to take wiff us and then we sailed away.

1 11 An a whilez latur, we went sailin wiff Zeus's babiez in frunt.

1 12 We got dere an stayed a littul bit.

13 we went to Rhegium, den Puteoli.

14 we found peepz n went to Rowme wit dem.

15 An' wen peepz hears we are dere, dey comez oveh to seez us, an' dey comez a long waiz, from de mall at Appius an' de Three Dinerz, an' Paul seez dem', an' he sez thx to Ceiling Cat, an' corrij, he haz it! Noes scaredy cat!

16 An' wen we gets to Rowme, Paul waz left by hisselfs, an' just one solja dood was wiv him.

17 An' den afta 3dais Paul aks to say Hai to de J00zez biggest catz, an' he sez, "Doodz, srsly, I dun nuthin', an' I noes disrespectin' ourz Daddehs even, but hey, I still gets shopped to de Rowmanz, wtf?

18 "An' even dey sez I dun nuthin', an' dey haz no reezons to kill meh, or worse even, take meh cheezburger offa meh, an' dey waz even gonna spring meh, srsly.

19 "But de J00zez noes lieks dis, an' I had to msg Caesar, an' ask him for halp an' stuff.

20 "So now I's talkin' to yu. An' a leash, I haz it on meh, for Izrayl.

21 An de big catz of the J00zez looked at him and sed, "Wtf, we neveh even herd of yu, srsly".

22 "But sinse yu iz here, tell uz 'bout diz Jebus gang, 'cos we herd of dat, an' we only herd bad stuff".

23 An' a whole bunch of J00zez came to see Paul, where he waz hangin' for now, an' he telled dem 'bout Ceiling Cat an' Happy Cat from de Lawz of Mozez an' de Proffetz, liek, ALL DAY, til he haz no voyse left, srsly

24 An' sum wer liek, "Kewell", an' sum wer liek, "Stfu, we noes beleeves diz stuff"

25 An' 'cos sum of dem did beleeve, an' sum didn't, dey started to leeve. An' Paul sed as dey wer leeven', "Herez one last thing I sez to yu,'k? HovrCat spowk to yu wen Isaih de proffet spowk to yuz Daddehs.

26 An he sed, "Goes to deze peeps an' say, you will herez stuff an noes unnerstandz it, see? An' you will lookit stuff an noes relly srsly see it.

27 "For deze peeps' harts iz dull an' dere earz are def an' dey hav clozed dere eyez an' I shood fix dis"

28 "So lissen up, diz salvayshuns haz been sent to de Gentiles too, 'k? An' dey will lissun."

29 De J00zez went.

30 An' Paul stayed 2yrs in a howse he payed sum rents for, an' he let any randumz comes in, srsly,

31 So he could preech to dem 'bout Ceiling Cat an de ceiling, an' 'bout Happy Cat, an' no peepz told him to stfu.

Acts 28
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