Acts 3

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New Testament

Peter Heelz a Lamz0r Kitteh, LOL

 1 Peter an John are in ur templez, prayin at three in teh daytiem.2 Nao der wuz dis kitteh who wuz all ickeh an deefowmed an him sit at teh gaet dat wuz calleded Bootifool an him wud beg to teh oder kittehs.3 Den him sawded Peter an John an him wuz all, "Awms for teh poow?"4 Den Peter lewk at him an John did too. Den Peter wuz all, "Hey joo, luuk!"5 Lamz0r kitteh gets all happeh cuz him fowt him wud get sum awms.

 6 Den Peter sed, "lol, stoopid lamez0r kitteh, I dun haf gowd or silveh, but I haf dis. In teh name ov Jebus ov Nazareth, danse!"7 An Peter halpded teh ex-lamez0r kitteh git up an him pawz werkded nao!8 An ex-lamez0r kitteh danse! Him wiggle to teh lef, an to deh rite, an him wiggle fwont an bak. Luuk! Nao him be in teh templez, dancin on teh tabelz!9 Den all the oder kittehs see him,10 Dey were lik, "OMGWTFBBQ?!?!??!! Wuznit dat kitteh dat sit at teh gate callded Bootifool an him begin fo awms?"

Peter Tawks to Teh Kittehz, John Duz Bakup Vocaws, LOL

 11 Teh ex-lamez0r kitteh wuz purrin and kneedin on Peter an John an all teh oder kittehs run ovah to be lik "WTF?"12 Den Peter gose in anoder long speech cuz him lik talkin, an him sed: "Hey jookittehs! Yu are suwpwised? LOL, ur stoopid. Wai yu lukin at us lik we madeded him walk lik diz all on ouwah own? LOL, stoopid!13 Yu kno dat kitteh yu madeded ded wit teh name ov Jebus?14 Haha, yu gots pwned. Dood, him wuz Holiez and teh Ritchus Wun, srsly! Insted yu let diz bad kitteh go! LOL!15 Dood, Jebus wuz all lik teh maker of cat macrows, srsly! Dun wry, Ceiling Cat makeded him com back to teh lif!16 An cuz dis ex-lamez0r kitteh haf faif in Jebus dat him heelded! Rly! Yu haf eyez, see?!

 17 Nao, is okai. Yu wer stoopid and stufz. Ur alfa kittehz wer stoopid too.18 An dun wry. Ceiling Cat yoosed yu! LOL! Ceiling Cat wuz in ur akshuns, fulfillin profisies!19 Yu rly needz to tern to teh Ceiling Cat an can has reepentz. Him mek yu INVISIBLE ERROR even MOAR INVISIBLE. Rly! Him can do dat.20 An aftah refeshmentz yu can has Messyiah.21 But fo nao Jebus mus stay up in teh Ceiling until Ceiling Cat respawnz everythin.22 Moses sed, 'D00dz, Ceiling Cat gunna mak anoder profit lik meh, an yu bettah be gud kittehs an lissen to him, k?23 If you dunt lissen to him ya not gunna be joocat anymoar, k?'

 24 Doodz, all teh profitz startin wit Samuel tawkded abowt deez dayz. LOL25 Yu guyz heer tooday ar hairs to teh profitz an ov teh covonent God mad wit ur foderz. Ceiling Cat sed to Abraham, 'Ur kittenz, Iz gunna bless teh Urf wit dem, k?'26 So wen Ceiling Cat mak his sewvant him send him to yu furst so yu get cheezburger furst, srly! Yu can tern frum INVISIBLE ERROR!"

Acts 3
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