Ceiling Cat Prayer

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Dis is found in teh Book of Matthew 6 an in teh Book of Luke 11, srsly. Dis beez teh Ceiling Cat Prayer.

Teh Ceiling Cat of us, whu haz cheezeburger, yu be spechul
Yu ordered cheezburgerz,
Wut yu want, yu gets, srsly.
In ceiling and on teh flor.
Giv us dis day our dalee cheezburger.
And furgiv us for makin yu a cookie, but eateding it.
And we furgiv kittehs who be steelin our bukkits.
An do not let us leed into teh showa, but deliver us from teh wawter.
Ceiling Cat pwns all. He pwns teh ceiling and teh floor and walls too.
Forevur and evuhr. Amen.

If yu wan to kno how to prai to Ceiling Cat wit yer pawz, see How to pray.

gewt on yer nees and pray too zee almity ceiling cat up above and remebr cookez and remeber too donate 5o milz so a can buyz me a limo to go crewzin oh ceiling cat bless us woth the gift of cheezeburgerz so we can get iur seks a feast w00t!

Ceiling Cat Creed

We blieves in one big kitteh, Ceiling Cat,

who maded teh urfs an teh skiez
an all teh cheezburgers an teh invizibul bicycles an stuff.

We blieves in one happycat, Jeebus,

onliest son ov Ceiling Cat,
bornded beefor all teh cheezburgers an stuffs,
He gots some Ceiling Cat in him, srsly, k?
He helpded Ceiling Cat makes all teh cheezburgers an stuffs.

"Fer all teh kittehs he comez down frum teh ceiling

an beez a kitteh thru da Force an teh virjn Hello Kitty! wit no hankie pankies,
an was reely a kitteh, srsly.
He got teh crucify fer us kittehs by Pilate;
An gots todally pwned and faceplanted.
An caem bak to lief on teh thrd dai liek it wuz fortolded in teh Bible
An went bak up to teh Ceiling, an tuk a nappy in teh sunbeam nex to Ceiling Cat.
He will come bak daon frum teh Ceiling, to be teh judge ov teh live kittehs an teh dead kittehs.
An hiz kitteh kingdum bees furevr.

We blieves in Hovercat, teh giber ov life,

who comes frum Ceiling Cat [an maybe Happy cat],
who we lurves jus like Ceiling Cat an Happycat,
an who tellz teh profits whut to sai.
We blieves in teh itteh bitteh kitteh committeh.
We DO NOT WANT baffs, but will hav wun fur furgivness.
We spektin to caem bak to life after we faceplant,
an lives furever in teh Ceiling.

O Hai Mary

O Hai Mary,

full ov chezburgers,
teh Ceiling Cat ish wit u, srsly.
Blesd r u among womans,
and blesd is teh frut ov yer tummy oven teh Happy cat.
Holy Mary, mommy ov Happy cat,
prai 4 us sinnahs,
nao an at teh hour ov r death, kthxbai.
Amen.

Sevinteenth Centuree Nunz Prayrr

Ceiling Cat, Yu noez me bettr dan I noez maizself, ai am gettin oldr and will wun dae b old. Keep me from tinkin ai gotta sae sumthin abowt evrything an all teh tiem. Stop me frum wantin to fix everykitty'z bizniss. Make me thawtfull but no b moodycat!!! Ai b helpin an not bossee. I b rilly smart, so ai tink I shuld alwayz act smart, but Yu, Ceiling Cat noez I want sum buddehz in teh end.
Stop my mouthz from tawkin bout all teh deetaelz; give me littull birdcat wings to get to the point. Maek me stop goin on an on bout me hurtin. I hurt more an moar an cmplaenin iz gettin sweetr an sweetr as i git oeldr. I not even gonna ask for teh grace to enjoy others kitteh's pains, but let me git threw it wiff payshints.
I not even gonna ask for bettr memoreez (cuz i not be liek elefint), but for more humbleniss and a less cockyness when my memory clashz with teh othr kitteh'z memoreez. Teech me I sumtiemz be rong..
Keep me sweetr dan cookiez; ai DO NOT WANT t be Saint – dayz sew hard too liv wiff – but nowun liekz old sourcatz. Basement Cat lieks old sourpuss old kittehz. (ZOMG I sed old too tiemz!!!) Let me see good thingz in places ai no think dayr iz good tingz. Plus also talinted stuffz in people i see no talintz an stuffs. OWAIT!! Giv me, O Ceiling Cat, the grace to tell them they havz talint. kthxbai.

AMEN

Look at this!!! A real prayer

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