Deuteronomy 28

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Old Testament
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1 And wen is reddy, if u listens 2 ceiling cat, an u healpz an obeyz, youz will b sets on highs and getz many cheezburgers.2 An blessing monorail cat overtakes real fast. srsly.3 U can has bea alrite in city an field4 Youz sperms and noms and sheeps can has b alrite5 Youz can has many cheezburgers6 u can has b alrite in ur entrances an you can has b alrite in ur outsides7 Celing cat makes tha dawg that in in ur face stealing ur cheezburger not alrite8 u can has way,way too many cheezburgers. u can has so many u puke. Srsly.9 u can has into Ceiling Cat Club10 And all LOLcats see you is liked by Ceiling Cat11 u can has baybees and NOM from Ceiling Cat12 u can has NOM you grows yurself in ur gardens13 u can b in ceilings and not basements, wen you obeyz Ceiling Cat.14 If dog get in u face den ceiling cat wil kil it in ur face. Dog will come one wai and ceiling cat wil mak him goe seven waiz wit no cheezburger. Srsly.15 Ceiling cat wil mak everythin u touches turned intu cheezburgers. Srsly.16 Den da kittehs wil see dat u hangs wit da Ceiling Cat, an dey wil hang wit u too.17 An Ceiling Cat wil mak u rich an not steel ur bukkits.18 But u hav to give stuf awai an not tak stufs.19 An dont tak to da basement cat or u r outta da Ceiling Cat club.20 An if u dont folo da rules, den Ceiling Cat wil mak sur dat u can has al da curses in da next fifteh too versis. An al dat stufs you can has? U can has NONE. Srsly.21 An Ceiling Cat wil curse u in ur citeh an in ur field.22 An Ceiling Cat will ban u from da cheezburger store. Srsly.23 An u be cursed wen u goes in an wen u goez out.24 Ceiling Cat will watch u masturbate, an give u bafz every day. He awlso sai dat u can haz constipation, an inflammation, an Aids.25 He wil wayt until u r moldy an then stab u an blow u up.26 An Ceiling Cat wil trow watah on u so u git wet. An he wil let teh birdz eet u. U can has chiken pocz too.27 U wil git a hot ladie an she wil cheat on u wit another kitteh.28 Ceiling Cat wil sel ur behbehz to pedofilz. An he wil glu ur foot too ur hed.29 U wil hav moar behbehz an Ceiling Cat wil sel dem too. A nu gai wil com an hang wit de Ceiling Cat an he wil rape u. An u wil eet urself. But first u wil get another wife an have moar behbehz, but ur wife wil eet dem.30 Ceiling Cat wil sel u too da dogs, but dey wont buy u. An Ceiling Cat wil get drunk an kil u. An den he wil bring u bak tu life and do it al ovah again. Srsly.

Deuteronomy 28
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