Exodus 8

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Old Testament

1 Ceiling cat sez to Moses, "Tell Pharaoh 'Ceiling Cat sez let mah d00dz go, so they can wership me.2 If u sez no, I maek frogeez all over ur whole country.3 Teh Nile can has frogz. Frogz will be in ur base, and in ur bed, and in ur d00dz howses, and in ur kitchens.4 Teh frogz will be all on ur peeplz. An dey will b in ur bukkitz makin ur tadpolez. An tehr wont b ne french d00dz 2 eatz tehm cuz french d00ds wuznt inventd yet. so tehre."

5 Then Ceiling Cat sez to Moses, "Tell Aaron to hold his stik onna waters, and maek sum frogz come out."

6 So Aaron held his stik out over teh water, and frogz was all over Pharaoh's base, jumpin on his d00dz.7 But the sorsors also maed sum frogz.

8 Pharaoh sez, "ok, u win, u pray to Ceiling Cat to take away teh frogz, and I let ur d00dz go."

9 Moses sez to Pharaoh, "U tells me when to pray."

10 Pharaoh sez, "ok, tomarow, kthx." Moses sez, "works for me."11 Teh frogz will leave ur base, and stop jumpin on ur d00dz, and go back to teh Nile."

12 After Moses and Aaron left Pharaoh's base, Moses yeld to Ceiling Cat about teh frogz.13 And Ceiling Cat hurd him, and BLARG teh frogz r ded.14 Big piles of ded frogz were maed, and it wuz stinky.15 But when Pharaoh saw teh frogpilez, his heart wuz hard, An he wuz like "I no can hear Moses and Aaron."

Teh Plaig of Nats

16 So Ceiling cat sez to Moses, "Tell Aaron to hit teh ground wif his stik, and all over Egypt teh dust will become nats."17 They did, and nats was all in Pharaoh's Egypt.18 An dis tiem, teh sorsors could not maek no nats.

19 Teh sorsors sed to Pharaoh, "I fink Ceiling Cat is fo realz." But Pharaoh's heart wuz still hard (dey cood melt it in ovin, but den pharo wood dai).

Teh Plaig of Flais

20 So Ceiling Cat sez to Moses, "Waek up rly and say to Pharaoh, 'Ceiling cat sez: let mah d00dz go.'21 If u don, I will send flais on u and ur d00dz and ur pplz.

22 But I will leave Goshen alone, cuz is teh Israelites base. And u will know that I, Ceiling Cat, am in Goshen protectin' mah d00dz.23 I will maek mah d00dz and ur d00dz different. U sees it tomarow!"

24 And Ceiling Cat shows it the nxt day. Bunches of flais flewed into Pharaoh's base and into his d00dz howses. An sum ov teh gypshunz sed wish der wuz stil sum frogz 2 eatz all htese flyz but sum othr gypshunz sed stfu so dey sed k An shutted up.

25 Then Pharaoh asks Moses and Aaron, "Kill stufs for Ceiling Cat here in Egypt."

26 But Moses sez, "Do not want. Egypt d00dz wud b gr0ssed out, and hit us wif roks.27 We hazta go away 4 free days to give Ceiling Cat ded stufs. Is orders."

28 Pharaoh sez, "OK, but u better not go far. Now, u prey for me."

29 Moses sez, "I pray after I go. Tomarow teh flais will leev ur base. But no mor triks, Pharaoh - u hasta let mah d00dz go offer sacurfices."

30 Then Moses praid to Ceiling Cat.31 An Ceiling Cat was cool and maed all teh flais go home.32 But this tiem Pharaoh has maeks his hart hard and wud not let teh Israelite d00dz go.

Exodus 8
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