Ezekiel 11

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Old Testament
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Important doods be pwned

1 Den Ceiling Cat tooks mi an puts mi in front of a haus wif a srlsy awsume sunny place. I sawed a bunch of doods, like twentyfive i thinks, an i sawed Jaazaniah and Pelatiah who was important guys wif lots of tunas an cheezburgers.

2 Ceiling Cat tels mi, "Kitteh, dez ar bad doods an dey makes ebil plans an stuffs.3 Dey say, 'shudnt we bild kitteh forts? Teh citee iz a can openr an we r teh tunas.'4 So u shud tells dem dey iz bad doods, kitteh."

5 I sed, "Ceiling Cat says he nows wut u say is not wuts in ur hed.6 U has pwnd so many doods in teh citee an now ders ded guys all over teh place (srsly, wtf?)7 Ceiling Cat sed teh doods u has pwnd ar teh tunas an teh citee is teh can openr, buts i will make u gtfo.8 U phears mai claws an I will pwn u wif dem, sed teh Ceiling Cat.9 I maeks u gtfo an giv u to teh dogs to be chased an nommed.10 U will be pwned by mai claws an i will pwn u anover tiem wen u leafs Israyel.11 Dis citee is not teh can openr for u an u cant has teh tunas!! an I pwns u, srsly.12 An u nows i am Ceiling Cat, buts u has nots rubbed mi earz or mah tummy an u has not maded ur nayshuns kitteh-frendly."

13 Wen i was maeking teh profasy, Pelatiah dyed (sad face!) I falled on mi fase an screemed in vry loud voise, "WTF Ceiling Cat! Wil u wtfpwn teh rest of teh kittehs frum Israyel?"14 Ceiling Cat sed to mi:15 "Kitteh, ur brovers - reel brovers and brovers from other mothers - teh kittehs of Jaroosalem say 'dey ar far away from Ceiling Cat and teh lands and teh cheezburgers were given to us.'

Can haz mai lands back?

16 'So u shud say: "Dis iz wut Ceiling Cat sed: eben doe u ar all ovah teh place in lots of difrent nayshuns, i has ben a happy place for dem wher dey is goned.17 "So u shud say: "Dis iz wut Ceiling Cat sed: I wil bringed u all backs and u can haz teh land of Israyel agens. Srsly!'18 "Dey wil com back an git rid of all teh stoopid capshuns dat are dumb and also picshurs of dogs.19 I wil gib dem a harts an also a new spirt; I takes harts of stone an gibs a harts of flesh. An also tunas an kibbls an over awsume stuffs.20 Dey wil folow mi roolz and stufs.21 Buts teh kittehs dat keep maeking bad capshuns wil be pwned, sed Ceiling Cat.

22 Den teh birdcats flied up and teh lite of Ceiling Cat wuz above dem.23 Teh lite of Ceiling Cat wuz on invisible mountan for sum reezun.24 Teh spirt lifted mi ups an putted me by teh kittehs frum Babyloneeah likes in teh vishun. Teh vishun lefted mi,25 An I tolded teh kittehs wut Ceiling Cat seded to mi.

Ezekiel 11
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