Ezekiel 17

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Old Testament

1 An teh wurd of teh Ceiling Cat happenz to me, he sez,

2 "Kitten of peeplz, say a wurd puzzle (u know wat puzzlez iz??), an make it like a metaphorz for teh House of Israel.

3 An say dis, 'so sez Ceiling Cat, a rlly big burd with big wings and lotz of kulurfull featherz came to Lebanon and wuz leik "IM IN UR LEBANONZ STEALIN UR HIGHEST BRANCH OF TEH CEDAR TREEZ";

4 Teh burd broked off the branches and put dem in a city of bizness peoplz.

5 "Him also taked teh seedz of teh urfs and buried dem in a field by big waterz and it become a willow tree!

6 An teh tree get rly big and growd out low an made itselves an vine wit rly bigz leafz an branchez.

7 "but there been 'nother big birdy with nice wingz an fat featherz. teh vine gave him itz rutes tuh drink teh waterz from.

8 teh vine been planted in good urfs wit lot of teh water so t'ud have teh fruit an stuffs an be prettyful .

9 "say to dem, 'dis is wat teh Ceiling Cat say; will it growz? will not itz rutes be pulled owt by bunch of peepz? Will not it be dedz?

10 even if teh vine iz moved, will it growz? will not it wrikle up liek teh ugleh catz when teh aest windz hit it?'"

11 den da wurdz of teh Ceiling Cat happenz to meh,

12 "say to dis rebelious haus, 'do yew not now wat dis meenz?' say to them; 'teh king of Babylon went to Jerusalem an he tookz teh king an her noble peeps back to Babylon to parteh.

13 den he took a peep of teh royal kindz an themz signed a traety and carried away teh leadin' members of teh land,

14 so teh kindom wud be layed down not able to get back up again, keepin' life only by keepin' teh traety.

15 but teh king got real pissed an now he makin army in Ejypt so he can break teh traety. Will he live to see a clean litterbox? Will he break teh traety?

16 " 'as surely as ai livez, say Ceiling Cat, he be ded in Babylon, in teh land where got to be king, hoz oathz he hated an hoz traety he brokez.

17 Faro kitty will be of none helpz to him dis war, where dem weponz were made to make die so much catz.

18 He gonna not excxape cuz he didnt fallow thems d00dz agreament.

19 " ' so de Ceiling Cat say, cuz ai live, ai gon' punnish him fer de stuffs he didnt fallow.

20 ai spreds net fer him an ai take him to Babylon toooo be gujed.

21 an his scampereing armeh 'll die by teh claw, an teh surviverz be sprinkled 'cross teh wurld an den yew now dad Ceiling Cat has spoken.

22 "dis iz wat de Ceiling Cat say; ai will take on of dem branch of de cedar,

23 an plant it on mountain in Izrael. an it will 'com a grate tree an tons a' birds will nest in it.

24 an all teh treez in teh feild will now dad ai, teh Ceiling Cat, brot down teh tall treh an make the low grow tall.

" 'Ai, the Ceiling Cat say, an ai will do it!' "

Ezekiel 17
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