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These guidelines are to help the LOLCAT BIBLE stay consistent.

The Translation Philosophy

Every translation of the Bible has a philosophy behind it. Some, for example, are quite formal. ("As literal as possible, as free as necessary", as one translation committee puts it.) Others are dynamic or paraphrases.

The philosophy behind the LOLCat Bible can be summarised as:

 As fun as possible, no more misleading than necessary.

At all times, remember that you're trying to produce a translation that's understandable by cats. In particular:

  • Cats like having fun. Keep the translation fun.
  • Cats have short attention spans. Use short sentences, and feel free to skim the more tedious bits, such as lists of "begats".
  • Prefer references to things that cats would understand. A typical domestic cat probably hasn't seen a desert tent, but they have probably seen a sofa.

General formatting guidelines

Keep Page Navigation Intact 
The page navigation for all of the books of the bible should already be setup and working correctly. Please try to make sure that you don't overwrite this, or modify it.
Use The Verse Template 
Check out Template:Verse for usage information. And try to group them into paragraphs as noted on the Verse Template Usage Page.
Indent with {{indent}} 
Normally you would use : to indent, but this causes an unnecessary gap between the text, so use the indent template instead. It is a drop-in replacement for :.
No Numbers 
Please don't use numbers within verses (for to, for, etc). This conflicts with verse numbers and can be confusing.
Do Not Use & Signs 
& signs should not be used. Use "An" or something similar instead. & Signs in some chapters make it extremely difficult to read when they are grouped into paragraphs.
Do Not Use ALL CAPS 
Even though lolcats tend to speak in all caps, the translation should be easier to read. ALL CAPPED LARGE BLOCKS OF TEXT ARE REALLY HARD ON THE EYEBALLZ.
Use h5's for section title. 
Use an h5 when creating section titles. You do this by placing ===== (5 equals) on each side of the section title.

General translation guidelines

Translations should, at all times, be not too misleading with respect to the source material. Try to get the sense of the text across. We are here to make the Bible funny/amusing and to translate, not to completely rewrite it.

That in mind, do have fun with the translations. It comes out funnier.

Play with the Text. Typical Bible translations are boring, let's face it. Pages of dense theology and philosophy can be tedious at the best of times. Try to add color.

Amplify emotions. Cats are over-emotional to the point of being neurotic. (A closed door isn't a minor inconvenience, it's a mortal insult.) Reflect this by making emotions really strong. A good example of this is Acts 2. The crowd isn't merely puzzled, they are saying "WAI DO THEY SPEEK DIS WAY?!?! WAI?"

Final Drafts

The Category:Final Draft category is a special category for chapters that are "completed." If the admin feels the page meets the Guidelines he'll protect the page and all edit requests must be made on that chapter's talk page.

LOLCat jokes

You can use lolcat specific jokes (cheezburger, etc), but try not to abuse them. A better approach is to try to imagine what a cat would think of what you're reading.

Borrowing from other memes (e.g. "All Your Base") should be used sparingly if at all. If you must, try to ensure that knowing the meme isn't necessary for understanding the text. (It should, at most, be an extra joke for those who get it.)

Language cleanliness

Try to refrain from cursing, l33tspeak, or racial slurs, unless that's what's in the original text. Be creative if you need to say something unclean. Find a round-about way to say it.

If it's not needed at all, then don't say it.


The most common, theologically important, figures like God and the Holy Spirit, have their own lolcat titles ("Ceiling Cat" and "Hover Cat"/"HovrCat" respectively). This is especially true of titles rather than names.

Everyone else should keep names as they are, unless there's a good reason to play with them. Some play may be made with ownership ("jobes" instead of "job's"). If in doubt, ask on the talk page.


As translation has proceeded, the use of asides seems to be fairly common. This is fine, but:

  • Don't overdo it. Too many asides breaks the narrative.
  • Only do it if it adds something (i.e. fun).
  • Limit it to what a cat would be likely to say at that point were they reading it.

There are some great examples of asides in Genesis 2.

Avoid ecclesiastical jargon

Cats don't have millennia of confusing catma to spoil their own Bible translation. Let's not inflict it on them now!

Many ecclesiastical jargon terms are perfectly ordinary words that got a gloss on them. For example, the Greek word translated "baptized" just means "washed". We haven't been consistent on this yet, but in general, prefer the ordinary word to the jargon word.

If in doubt, ask. Srsly.

Cats or humans?

The "cats or humans?" question isn't entirely settled.

Histrkal akurasi suggests that historical passages should keep the human characters as humans, though they can act like cats. In general, this seems like a reasonable approach. Bear in mind that many animal psychologists think that, since they bond with humans in catlike ways, cats consider humans to be "cats" as well. In other words, to a housecat, a human being is some kind of giant, upright, hairless cat.

If the text is instruction (e.g. one of the epistles), though, you can safely interpret it as if it were addressed to cats. Similarly, poetry (e.g. the Psalms) can be written in such a way that it looks like a cat wrote it.

Common Word Translations in the LOLCAT BIBLE

(TODO: As this section grows, we'll need to split it out.)

Ceiling Cat
Basement Cat
Happy Cat or Ceiling Cat's kitteh
Holy Spirit 
Hover Cat
bad kitteh
Birdcat or BirdKat
Sheep/Rams/Other sacrificial animals

Anachronisms are okay

Modern technology in ancient settings are fine in small doses. It adds a flavor. Just don't overdo it or make it the central theme of a chapter.

If you have any ideas for more guidelines, feel free to post them to the talk page.


See Guidelines/Images.


See Guidelines/Videos.

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