Hebrews 11

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New Testament


Approyinchingz ceiling cat n Stuff (DON NOT WANT)

1 Fayth be liek da real stuffs underz da stffs ur hopin for and da proofs of stuf u cant seez (evn us kittehs and we seez in teh dark).2 Thats wut teh old peeps sais, srsly.3 Wif fayth we shud unde-unda-kno dat ceiling cat maded teh things so us can seez the things to seez.4 By fayth Abel offerd ceiling cat better than Cain (srsly Cain, no want veggies!) Ceiling cat gived Abel cheezburger an maded him ritechuss manz cuz he has teh better offer, srsly. Now he can stil speek tho he iz dead (ben daed long tiem ago).5 Bi fayth Enoch-cat waz takens ups so him would n0t get wet, n "him ws fuond no' mo' cause ceiling cat had taken him." B4 him waz taked upz it waz sed to haev made ceiling cat happeez likz catnip.6 bt wit 0ut any fayths it gonna b impsaBBle to give his catnipz. 4 Any 1 w0h aprochez ceiling cat m0ust has cheezeburgers and gives him catnipz7 Bi da fayth and flavorz of n0ah, warnedned waht was not gon b yet seed, builded an arks 4 his famuhlee so they cud liv. Thr3w dis he condom'd da earthz and inhairted the ritechussness that comez thruz fayth.

Mor faif stuf

{{verse |8=Bai fayth abrahamb (membr from loooooong tym go u gota listen srsly d000d.) obodieds wen him was called to go to a pleace that him was to getz as a preznt (PREZNTS!, FTW!!111!!!!!!1111`1!111111!!!!!!!. SRSLY) he wentz oyt n0t noin where he was gon to be goin. |9=N wen abrahamb goed tu teh plaice Ceiling Cat tole he tu goe, him didz liev in uva bruva's tentz leik a vistur cat, srsly, n' so didz abrahamb's chldruns and chldrun's childruns |10= cuz he wnted mor preznts lik a real big citi with lotz and lotz of cheezbrgrs mad bai Ceilin Cat himself. |11=Bai fayth abrahamb (evn tho he wuz super old, srsly) n sara (she wuz old 2 n no culd haz bebes) bcam papa n mama cats to littl kittehs cuz he trsted Ceiling cat n has faif. |12=So cuz ov faif n all dis stuff, lotz n lotz o kittehs com from papa cat abrahamb, liek if I try 2 count starz or teh sand (srsly, a lot). |13=All dees kittehs had fayth whn dey wnt to c Cailing Cat. Evn tho dey no had de cheezbrgrs prmsd 2 dem, dey wer happi dey saw cheezbrgrs from far. Dey nu dey wer UFO kittehs n not "urf kittehs." |14=Kittehs hoo say tings liek dis r lukin 4 nu place wif lotz n lotz ov cheezbrgrs de can haz all 2 demselfs. |15=If dey had thot of de land dey lft, de culdd hav gon bak, (evn tho dey no had cheezbrgrs). |16=But evn betr, dey wnted 2 be in teh cuntri of Ceiling cat wif lotz ov cheezbrgers (magik cheezbrgrs frm Ceiling Cat even, srsly). So Ceiling Cat happi kittehs call him Ceiling Cat. He even maked real big citi jst 4 dems.

Even mor faif stuf

17 Abrahamb, be promised dat his won n ownleh kitteh Izac will has more babie kittehs (n secks).18 Abrahamb wuz willin 2 give up Izac as teh test frm Ceiling Cat,19 cuz he wuz thinkin Ceiling Cat cud breeng his Izac bak 2 lyfe, srsly.20 Bai faif, Izac blessd Jakub n Esaw n stuffs.21 Wen Jakub wuz abowt 2 dai (o noes!!1!), he leenz on his kruchez n said Hai! to Ceiling Cat, den gav cheezbrgrs n stuffs 2 Joseph's kittehs.22 Wen he almost dai, he knew Ceiling Cat cud help getz teh kittehs outta Ejipt, n told teh kittehs 2 take his bones, srsly.23 Bai faif Mozes' motheh and fatheh catz hid him for 3 months, cuz Mozes wuz OMG CUTE!!1! n dey wur not fraid 2 says FFFFFUUUUUUU 2 King Catz.24 Wen Mozes become grown up kitteh, his faif not make him known as Faro'z grandkitteh, LOL WUT.25 Mozes wantd 2 not hav cheezbrgrs n stuffs in teh palace (liek OMG WUZ HE CRZY?!!1!?) n b wit teh normul kittehs.26 Teh cheezbrgrs n c00kies n stuffs in Ejipt wuz not az good az what iz in teh ceiling wif Happy Cat (now DAT'Z sum GUD cheezbrgrs n stuffs!).27 Bai faif, Mozes left Ejipt. Mozes see invizibl Ceiling Cat n not scurred ov teh King Catz.28 Bai faif, he doez Pazzovr. Mozes pourz ainmal blood on doorz, so killr angel wud be liek "eww" n not kill teh kittenz (WTF?! I thot angels wer nice n stuffs!).29 Bai faif, teh kittehz walk thru dry land on Red Sea, cuz kittehz dun like water. Ejipt kittehz try walk thru, but dey drown. PWNED!30 Kittehz ov Ceiling Cat has faif, n wen dey walk in Jeriko for a week, teh wallz fell down (dey suck @ makin wallz LOLOL).

But wait, derez mor!!1!

31 Rahab wuz a ho kitteh, but has faif n mated welcome teh spiez. INB4 DTF??/?32 I not hav tiem for talkin bout Gidien, Barak, Samzon, Jepatha, David, Sam, and teh profetz, kthxbai.33 Bai faif, dey took ova King Catz landz, and Ceiling Cat promisd them lotz of Cheezbrgrz. They told lionz to STFU, stopz teh firez,34 n avoid swordz wit enemiez. Although kittehz r week, dey were given powah to scare off armiez!35 Sum gurl kittehz luv onez came bak 4rm dai. Lotz of kittehz was tortured, but not want to be released, srsly. Dey belief teh reward wuz better if they dai n come bak 2 life.36 Sum wer teazed, whipt, n some chained in gaol.37 Otherz were cut n two or has otherz throw stones OMG. Sum wear teh skinz of goatz or sheepz. Dey waz poor n treated badly n stuffz.38 Teh Urf not deserv theez gud kittehz, cuz they had to live in holes n cavez.39 Bai faif, dey made Ceiling Cat happy! But dey dai n not be given cheezbrgrz.40 But Ceiling Cat has much better thingz, liek dubl cheezbrgrz!!11! He not want kittehz 2 reach goalz wifout us. Kthxbai.

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