Hosea 13

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Hosea 13

1 wen Efraym spoke all scarded, he maed hissewf speshul in Israyell; but wen he maed peepuls angwy in Baal, he dieded. Srsly.2 and now theyz bein evun baddederr, and theiz makin likwid pikshurs of thems shinee stuffs, and idulls as dey is undurstandin, and it wuz all teh works of DIYcats: theyz sayin, let cats taht awe sacwifissing kiss teh bebe cows.3 theyz beeyin liek teh cludz wen is too earleez and liek early waturs on leefs that goez way, liek wheetie things is drivunn by windses outta teh flor, and liek smoeks outta chimneez.4 but Iz teh LORED your Ceiling Cat frum teh Egipshun land, and yuz noin no ceiling cats but me: for Iz du onwiest saviah. Srsly.5 Iz noin yuz in teh willdurnes, in teh lands wif no waturs.6 akkordin to theys paschurs, so thei wuz filt; thei wuz filt, and theys haert wuz vairy happee; so theyz furgettin me.7 so I is gunna be liek lions (dey shud get in cars): Iz be wachin dem liek leppurds:8 Iz beein liek a bare wiffout bebes to dem, and be rippin out theyz harts, and I eet dem liek teh lion (shudda got in cars): tearin dem liek beests.9 O Israyyell, yuz all emoes; but yu can haz helps frum me.10 Iz teh king: hoo can saev teh citays but me? Srsly. and teh judjes taht you spoked of, can givez me king or prinses?11 yuz getting king frum me when Iz crankee, and Iz taekin him away when Iz crankeer.12 efraims badness gots all tieded up; hiz bad iz a seecrut.13 hes be feelin teh sads of a laydee whos travailin: hes stoopid bebe; he shuddn't be weare bebes is beein bornt okayz?14 Iz keepin dems aliev; i make dems breev agens: Iz making Deff sicks; Iz brakin teh graevs: Iz not seen dem be sorriez.15 hez all happy wif his bruvvers, but winds is comin from teh eest, teh wind of Ceiling Cat from teh wildurnes, and itll be in his spring dryin it upz, just liek his fowntuns; hez reckin teh prittee fings.16 Samaria is beein sadz; they maeded Ceiling Cat cwanky: theyz faillin by the claw: deir bebes gets all brokeded, and teh ladies wif bebes in theyz tummies is bein all kilt :(.

Hosea 13
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