From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
1 "Make no cry, make no cry muh peeps" sayz ur Celing Cat.
2 Talk to a da heart of Ceiling Cat's city and meow at her, cuz she's all feeded and fullz, cuz her badcatness iz finished and she away! from Ceiling Cat's paw 2x for her badcatness.
3 Big meow say, "Inna da big catbox outside wif da sandz, make way for Ceiling Cat!, make wild place be goodkittehz, a BIG road for Ceiling Cat."
4 Big up every dippy hill place, every hill and big get small, not smoof land get smoof and close hill get faaaaaar.
5 And Ceiling Cat's goodnesses will shows! and all peeps together will see Ceiling Cat's mouf talkin.
6 Another cat that me not see say "Meow! and I sayz "Meow what? "All pplz r grassez n all its cheezburgers r like pretty flower.
7 Grassez get dryz and go bai, flower go bai 2, cuz Ceiling Cat blowzed on dem; all da peeps iz grassez 2!
8 Grassez get dryz, flower go bai but Celing Cat's werds lif foreva!
9 Go up on big pile of laundriez, marked of Ceiling Cat's home scratchin post, meow reeel loud, marked of Ceiling Cat's city, meow louda, no scare; tells cities of Celing Cat's catdom, "Oh hai! Hail ur Celing Cat!"
10 Lookz! Celing Cat comes wif strong pawz, da rule for him; lookz! his cheezburgerz for da peeps r wif him and his catnipz 2!
11 Like mama cat wif her kittehs, wif his paw takez upz f00dz and carries them orf, feedin the lil kittehs on da way
12 Who measured da wattah in his paws(Ceiling Cat PWNS bcuz He knows kittehs DO NOT WANT!!!) An knows how big iz ceiling side2side, An pwns all sand on urfs and meks sur all hillz an mtnz evenz stevenz?
13 WTF Hu givez peeses of HovrCat out to teh kittehs and PWNS, and teechez and giveses adviz n stuf. Srsly.
14 Hu Ceiling Cat pwns 2 knows am comprenz stuf lak judgmt An knowz And comprens An stuf?
15 Beholdz. Teh nationz is in mah bucket. Srsly. Rlly Srsly.
16 All teh treez in teh Lebanon n teh dogz and cowz and teh birdz dere 2 iz not nuff 2 burn fer Ceiling Cat to eated.
17 Teh contreez iz nuffin 2 Him, cuz he not watch CNN. Srsly.
18 Who iz u compaer 2 Ceiling Cat? Stephen Colbert? Nowayz!
19 Ken he b compaerd 2 rap starz wif gold teef and teh bling blingz?
20 Or if u dun liek dat, mebbe cuntri star wif big belt buckel?
21 Iz u not heardz? Iz u stoopid? Can u not herez Ceiling Cat goez meowww?! He sed so befoer he createded teh Urfs, duh! Y u stoopid, k?
22 Ceiling Cat sitz abuv teh Urfs, watchez teh peepz dat luk liek mices, but he haz not eated dem. Teh skiez r liek curtinz for Him to climbz.
23 PrinzCats PWND SRSLY by teh Ceiling Cat, and JudgCatz are n00bz an stupidheads.
24 No grasses teh eat an no diggins to claw bcuz Ceiling Cat Hizzed n PWNS and grasses maded wetpantz and then dedngon. Srsly.
25 Ceiling Cat sez "I am Ceiling Cat DUH and I has PWNED and u r st00pid n00bz if u don no I PWNs."
26 OMHG WTF who doze? Up der, on the icebox w/gooshyfood inside, Ceiling Cat has dem ready for PWNs An Ceiling Cat nos sll der nms.
27 Kittehs Jakob n Isrl think u hid ur cheezburgers and Ceiling Cat not no u chase girlcatz in dark (but kitteh see in dark so is ok.)
28 Ceiling Cat sez "How u not no st00pid n00b how u thinkeded u hide ur cheezburgers an mice from Ceiling Cat? Ceiling Cat PWNS !!!!!!eleventimes jazzhands w00t. I no tired of watchin u all ur bases an stuff. but u no get it, st00pidz"
29 Ceiling Cat gavezez sharpclaws and PWR1UP to tired kittehs, And 1UP4EVRSRSLY to kittehs 2 week to drinkz milkz.
30 TeenagerKittehs tired and no land on four feet owtchwaaah.
31 But teh kittehs in der waitin watchin 4 CeilingCat 2 PWNS, dese kittehs razed up laks BirdCatz, an dey can has runin rely speedi !!!!!!!11!!!!! an walkses along fences and no loos balanz EVR so ther.
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