Isaiah 44

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1 Opn yu eerz, yu Jakub, bcuz yu iz mai kitteh. Opn yu eerz, yu Izreyl, bcuz yu iz mai kitteh. 2 Ai iz YHWH. Ai maek yu evn in teh tummy ov yu momcat. An Ai iz helpin yu. No feer. 3 Wehn yu iz all "WANT MILK NOW" Ai will givz milk. An wehn teh plantz want water Ai givz teh rayn, so stay in teh howse niec an kumfy an no get wet. Bcuz if no rayn nevr, all plantz dai, an then no catnip an no wheet for maek bun for cheezburgr. 3b But for yu an yu kittehz Ai will giv mai LEET SKILLZ. Yu kittehs will be all happi. 4 ??? 5 An yu kittehz will be proud to say, "Ai iz teh kitteh ov Ceiling Cat." 6 YHWH teh rulr ov Izreyl, an teh YHWH ov teh (angels?), who saev yuz from teh kennel, iz want tok now. Opn yu eerz, bcuz YHWH say: "Ai iz FURST an Ai iz LAST an Ai iz teh onli Ceiling Cat."


24 Yez, Ai iz YHWH teh Ceiling Cat, teh wun who saev yuz from teh kennel so yuz no moer be in cage. Ai iz teh wun who maek yuz evn in teh tummy ov yu momcat. Ai iz YHWH who maek teh Intrnet an all cookies. Ai iz teh wun who spred aut Ceiling liek blankit, who spred it aut ovr all teh urth, an Ai did it all alone with no wun to help me. 25 ???

Old Testament
Isaiah 44
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