Isaiah 60

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Old Testament
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Waek up, kittehs - kammils b sittin on u

1 O hai, waek up. Teh Ceiling Cat haz turnd on hiz big flashlite and is standin on u.2 Foer bhold, teh flur is black and gross liek teh pplz, but Ceiling Cat is standin on u, n all teh pplz can seez.3 N the nonsnipt (Gentils) liek lite n kingz want tew watch u waek up.4 Hai, luk up, evry1s heer tew seez u - ur kittehs fum far away, tew.5 Then u can seez, n miks it up, n ur haert gits skeerd n biggins; cuz teh hol oshun, liek majik, ternz n-2 u! All teh nonsnipt (Gentils) won tew see.6 Lotsa kammils sitz on u, teh dromdaires uv Midian n Ephah; all ov dems fum Sheba kum n sitz on u n singz teh prazez uv teh Ceiling Cat.7 All the burdz uv Kedar hangz owt n teh rams of Nebaioth taks tew dem uhbowt Ceiling Cat: All teh animulz kum n partee on teh altar, no kiddin, n I glowrifi teh glowri hows.8 Kewl! A klowd uv berdz is bangin on teh windah. Nok nok - whoz dere?9 Teh eyelunds iz waytin cuz I b laet, n shipz uv Tarshish furst, breengin the kittehs fum farz away, silfur n golds tew teh Ceiling Cat, teh kewlist 1 uv Israel. Ceiling Cat digs u! Srsly.

It liek u marreed a milyunair

10 N pplz u doan no werks foer u bildin walz, n teh gardz at teh mallz tellz u uhbowt Ceiling Cat, cuz he wuz pist n scratcht u, but nao itz kewl. No werris.11 Kai, we iz allus open, nevr clost, 24/7, gettid? So doodz n kingz bringz u stuff all teh tiem. Mebbe evn Ed Makmanz.12 N-e 1s dat duzn't dew waht chew want iz gonna git skwasht n totalee wastd. Srsly.13 Lebanon iz whay kewl n shoz up - itz gots furry trese n piens n bockses wich maks teh Ceiling Cat's hows wikit gorjous; n I maks himz toze luk rite gorjous, tew.14 Teh kittehs skratcht ur coutch r whey sawry, n all teh doodz dat dint liek u dey sawry, tew, n likz ur feets, n callz u Citee uf teh Ceiling Cat, teh Zion of the Holy 1 uv Israel.15 U wuz laem n no1 likt u, srsly. I will mak u xsellant foer evah, a joi tew teh kittehs' kittehs.16 Teh snipt 1s (Gentils) n teh kingz will feedz u thare milks. Eww. U gonna no I is teh Ceiling Cat, foer rills, ur Savior n Redeemer, teh mity won uv Jacob.17 Heerz a lits - I traeds u: gold foer brass, silfur foer iron, brass foer wood, irons foer stonez, peace foer officers, rigteousnes foer exactors. Gettid?

No mo fitin, or sunz or munez

18 No mo lisnin tew ketteh fites, or skratchin stuffs in teh mall; u calls teh wallz Savation n teh gayts Praise.19 U aint gonna need teh sun or mune tew see no mors; but teh Ceiling Cat will lite up n be whey kewl.20 Ur sun woen go down n teh mune woen go awae but it doan mattr nun cuz Ceiling Cat gonna shien fo evah n u woen kry no mo.21 Ur pplz will all be gud n git tew git all the landz fo evah, teh thingz I plants n maks wif mai hanz, soze evah 1 kin think Iz fabewlus.22 Won lil kitteh will tern n-2 a thowsent, duh, n won lil kitteh will tern n-2 a rill big won, srsly, duh agin. I teh Ceiling Cat hurrys it all up.

Isaiah 60
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