Isaiah 7

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Old Testament

1 Wun time, King Rezin n Prinz Rekah traiz to pwn Jeruslum, but tey wuz roxord (prolly cuz tey wuz n00bs).2 Sumone told David, sayin "Syrya's kittehs r n Eframe." N so David n his p33ps wuz muved liek treez.3 So CEILING CAT sayz to Isiya, goes u 2 meet Ahaz neer Fuller's Field,4 n tel him "Shutz up. Don b fraid of King Rezin.5 Cuz Syrya and Eframe attakked u, like6 'Lez go take Juda's cheezburgrz.'"7 So CEILING CAT wuz like "No wayz."8 Eframe wil be pwned soon.
9 Cuz teh hed of Efram iz Samaria,
 and teh hed of Samaria iz Remaliah's boi.
 If ur faif iznt in teh Ceiling Cat
 U gotz nuffin
10 Teh Ceiling Cat sez "O hai" to Ahaz agin and sez:
11 Ax teh Ceiling Cat fur a sign, doun in teh Basment or up in teh Ceiling.
12 But Ahaz is all liek "No wai!" I duzznt test teh Ceiling Cat!".
13 And Isaiah is liek "Wai! Stfu, n00b!
14 Ceiling Cat's sign. Lemme show u it. Teh yung girl cat gonna has a kitten (a boi). And we calls him 'Immanuel' (that means 'Ceiling Cat is in owr hizzouse').
15 He will eatz yogurt and honey by teh tyme he lurns to rejekt evil n chooz gud.
16 Befor dat boi lurns to rejekt evil and chooz gud, teh lands whoz two kings has u so skeert will be totly pwned, wif no peeps livin ther.
17 Ceiling Cat brings it fur u, ur peeps and teh Howz ur mama cat lived in, liek itz never bin brot since Eframe brok awai frum Juda (teh king of Assyria)"

18 Wen dat dai cumz, Ceiling Cat meowz fur fly in waterz in Egypt, n bee in land of Assyria (dat meenz armies, not rilly fliez n beez)19 Dey awl cumz n livs in steep ravines n holez in rock walz, in all thornbushes n all paschurs (basicly, dey b in ur base, killin ur d00dz)20 Dat dai, Ceiling Cat shavz wif a razur hired frum acros teh River (King of Assyria agin, n agin, not rilly razur, rilly army.) Gonna shav hed n harblez, n beard (I kno kittehs duzznt got beardz, but agin, dis a metafor)21 On dat dai, hyoomin keepz a moocow r a cupple of sheepz.22 Dey givz plenty milk, but he jus uses it to maks yogurt n livz on dat, nobody haz nuffin to eatz but yogurt n honey. No cookiez, no milk, no cheezburgerz.

23 On dat dai, evry place wher dere use to b a thouzan vinez (hyoominz growz grapes n makez wyn) worth a thouzan pieces of silver (hyoomins tradez dis fur cheezburgerz), all will b jus briers n thornz (no grapez, no wyn, no silver, NO CHEEZBURGERZ!!!)24 Hyoominz will go dere wif bowz n arrowses, bcuz all land jus brierz n thornz.25 So many brierz n thornz, hyoomins not gonna b abl to growz stufs on any mountainside wher dey used to growz stufs. Only stufz growz is what moocows can eat (grass and other stufs dat kittehs DO NOT WANT) n sheeps walks all over evrything.

Isaiah 7
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