Jeremiah 17

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Old Testament


1 Joodah's invisible error is riten in permnent black Sharpie on teh
 drai eraze bord ov teh kichen.

2 Evn teh bebehs memer what you did ther!
3 Bcuz ov ur invisible error, I will giv awai ur bukkits an ur play t0werz
4 Is ur falt I'z mad at yu an u wil bern!
5 Dis is wat Ceiling Cat sez:"Pwnd is teh kitteh hoo terns awai from teh Ceiling Cat!
6 Hiz lyf sux0rs moar tehn a Caturday wif no can opener.
7 But I bles teh kitteh hoo lurves me.
8 The gud kitteh is no skeerd wen it gets hawt, I wil b his ayr condishner.
9 No trustez ur ebil harts, it lyes an sumtyms maeks u fart in yer sleeps.
10 I teh Ceiling Cat rewerds ur gud deeds, if yu deserv it.
11 No eat frum bukkits taht is not yers, teh owner kitteh wil catch yu an bytee ur tail!
12 A gloreeus rekliner awaits teh gud kitteh in heven!
13 O Ceiling Cat, mai hoap, u ar teh water hose in teh hot bakyard of lyf.
14 Reedoos mai harbls so'z I no puk on teh bed, an balans me so'z i no fall
 in teh toylet. Cuz I wership onlee yu.

15 Tehy keep axing me "wer ur ceiling cat?"
16 I'z stil ur sheperd (an yu kno its hard 2 herd cats!) Heer wat coms frum mai lips:
17 Pleez no make kitty skeerd! U ar teh drawer in which I hyde mai fayce
 wen teh vacuum of lyf sux awl gud tings.

18 Let tehm be for shamed, but keep meh gud. Let tehm be skeerd, but keep me brayv
 an bring dem to destroikshun, but activ8 mah camaflaj.


19 Dis wat Cailing Cat comand:" Go an stand at teh cat flap in teh doar an miaow to dem.
20 "Heer teh werd of Ceiling Cat evry kitteh in teh hood!
21 B carful not to plot hoomin tayk ovr on teh sakred day, Caturday.
22 No pwning of n00bs, no updayting RAM, no boom hedshots on teh sakred dai, Caturday.
 lyk i comanded ur fur fathers.

23 Dey no lissen an Ceiling Cat is not amused.
24 If'n u obay me an no werk on teh Caturday, but onlee naps an eated ur cookies,
25 Then I sez to yu, ur NOMS wil b nevr endin!(lyk teh story)
 yu wil no sense danger, an yu wil alwaiz hav invisible rollercoaster.

26 Kittehs wil com frum all ovr teh hood to offr yu ther Pokemons.
27 But if u no keep teh Caturday holeez, tehn ur sol has invisible error
 an u wil be sent to teh basement.

So sez teh Ceiling Cat. A-miaow.

Jeremiah 17
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