Jeremiah 30

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Old Testament

1 Dis wut Ceiling Cat sed to Bullfrog:2 "Dis wut Ceiling Cat sez: 'Rite down wut I sez to u.3 Soon,' sez Ceiling Cat, 'I bring all deh kittehs bak from vet an givez dem der stuff,' sez Ceiling Cat.

4 Dis wut Ceiling Cat sed bout Izreel an Joodah:5 "Dis wut Ceiling Cat sez: "'Ur crize, I heer dem.

6 "Lemme axe u: Can boy lolcat has kittehs? Den y boy lolcats holdin der tummeez lookin liek girl lolcats hasin kittehs?"

7 Dat day not be gud day. Be liek goin to vet fur Jaykib but he no hasta go.

8 "'Dat day,' sez Ceiling Cat, srsly, 'I takes off der collerz an leeshiz an Kitteh Harnissez.

9 Insted dey servs Ceiling Cat, an Ceiling Cat rases David teh King, an dey servs him to.

10 "'Dont be fradey cat, Jaykib; dont be mopey kitteh, Isreel,' sez Ceiling Cat. 'I saves u an ur kittehs from vet. Jaykib wont hasta worry bout Dog and be a fradey cat.

11 I be heer and takes caira u,' sez Ceiling Cat, srsly. 'Tho I reckz all teh placez I makin u go to, I no reckz you. I hitz u wif teh noospaper cuz u needz to be punishd.

12 "Dis wut Ceiling Cat sez: 'A reel bad owie, you has it.

13 Nobdy stix up fer u or kissez ur owie.

14 Ur frenz no lieks u no moar. I dids to u wut Dog wanna do to u cuz ur a very bad kitteh.

15 Y u cryin bout ur owie? I dids dis to u cuz ur a very bad kitteh.

16 But doze hoo nom u get nomd an dogs get sent to kennel. An if ennywun takez ur stufs ill takez der stufs.

17 Ill fixes ur owie,' sez Ceiling Cat, 'cuz nobody lieks u.'

18 "Dis wut Ceiling Cat sez: "Ill gives Jaykib bak his kitteh toyz an he can has new kitteh condo.

19 Jaykib an his kittehs meow an purr. I gives dem new kittehs an cheezburgerz."

20 Jaykibz kittehs be howz dey yousta be an if otha kittehs hiss at dem I hits dem wif teh noospaper.

21 Der leeder be wunna teh kittehs, an I bringz him hear wif me. Witch kitteh gunna be heer wif me?' sez Ceiling Cat.

22 "'So u be mai peepz an I be ur Ceiling Cat.'"

23 Srsly, Ceiling Cat has a angry liek a strom dat make lolcats hide unner de blankies.

24 Ceiling Cat has a angry til he duz wut he hafta do. Ull no dis soon.

Jeremiah 30
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