Joel 3

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Old Testament
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1 "In thoz dayz n at dat tim, when I restors teh fortuns of Joodah n Jrooslem,

2 I will get everbody n all teh nashuns n bringz dem down to de Valli of Jewscat. N dere I will tell dem gimme mai inhariteens, mai kittehs Izreel, fer dey puttz all mai kittehs in de nashunz n takez aprts mai bakyardz.

3 Dey gots lots of cheezeburgrz fer mai kittehs n givz bad kittehs on teh cornrz fer teh boyz; n sold teh gurl kittehs fer winez so dey can drinks.

4 "Nowz wut iz ur probleems wit me, everybody in Tyre n Sidon n all u de Fleasta? Did I do sumting rong? If u r payeeng me bakz, I will rly fast liek smaks ur heds.

5 Cuz u takes mai silverz n mai goldz n takes mai bestest stuffs to ur cat tempulz.

6 U sold teh kittehs uf Joodah n Jrooslem to teh Greekz, so dey cants hafs any cheezburgrz at hom.

7 "See, I goeengz to get dem bak, n I will rly fast liek smaks ur heds a gain.

8 I will givs ur kitteh boyz n kitteh gurlz to de kittehs of Joodah, n dey will givz dem to teh Sabeengs fer moniez, a nashun far awayz from cheezburgrz." Ceiling Cat haz meowded.

9 Tell all teh everbodyz in all de nashuns: Get rdy fer teh war! Getz teh rawreer kittehs! Getz all teh fighteeng kittehs come ovar heer n pouns.

10 Makes ur kitteh toys into wepuns n ur clawz too. If u r teh weeksauz says, "I am teh uberz!"

11 Come rly fast liek, everbodyz, n go der. Bring all ur rawreer kittehs, O Ceiling Cat!

12 "Let teh nashuns havz teh cheezburgrz; let dem go into de Valli of Jewscat, fer dere I will be to tell everbodyz if dey can haz cheezburgrz.

13 Go eatz teh grass, fer de foods iz rdy. Come, stepz on teh grape, cuz teh winez rdy too, n derz a lot uf it — datz how bad dey r!"

14 Kittehs, many kittehs in de valli of decishun! Fer de day of teh Ceiling Cat iz neer in de valli of decishun. Becuz u haf to hafz hugz n not drugz.

15 Teh sun n moon iz goeeng to sleepz, n teh starz too.

16 Teh Ceiling Cat will roar rly loud liek from Zion n mak a lotz of thunder from Jrooslem; de eart n de sky will be rly scaredz. But teh Ceiling Cat gonna givs a safe plac fer hiz kittehs, a catpost fer teh kittehs of Izreel. Blesseeng fer Ceiling Cat's Kittehs.

17 "Den you will know dat I, teh Ceiling Cat, r in Zion, mai holy catpost. Jrooslem will be holy too, dun worry; never a geen will de bad guise get herz.

18 "In dat day teh monteens will giv moar winez, n de heels will haf milkz; all de scary placez of Joodah will haf cheezeburgrz. A big bowl of watrz will come out of teh Ceiling Cat's catpost n will water de valli of acateeahs.

19 But Egypt will haf no watrz, Edom will be rly dry, cuz uf when dey took teh cheezeburgrs from teh kittehs of Joodah, n whar dey makes lot of bad tings.

20 Joodah will haf kittehs fureverz n Jrooslem too. Becuz u haf to hafz hugz n not drugz.

21 Der bad kittehs, dat can haf no cheezeburgrs, I will let dem." Teh Ceiling Cat livz in hiz post!

Joel 3
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