John 15

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New Testament

teh tr00 vine

1 I iz tr00 vine, an mai father iz husbandsman (BTW dat meanz da d00d takin care of da garden)

2 All mai branches which do not has fr00t he DO NOT WANT: and evry branch that has a fruit, he eatz it an trimz it so it makez moar fr00t dat haz a flavr, LOL!

3 Now u has had a baff an is ALL CLEEN cuz i jus said that.

4 U r curled up in mai haert an I iz curled up in yr haert. Teh branch no can haz fruit, unless it in teh vine, who is rly me, srsly, an you can't has fruit either unless I is curled up in yr side stealin ur haert and u is curled up in my side stealin ma haert.

5 I iz vine, you iz branchz0rz. When we iz curled up in each uthr sides and purrin, it bringz moar fr00tz, but without me they be in ur vine stealin ur fruitz.

6 If you no curl up in me, then u iz gun be chopped out an burned by huymanz. OUCH.

7 If you do, you has a plushie and catnip and all other things you DO WANT.

8 I luff mai father, so you iz bringin moar fr00tz, and you be mai kittehz

9 As Ceiling Cat has luvd me, so I luvd u. No forget kthx.

10 Do whut I tole u. Den you b in my luv laik I do whut ma dad say and I b in his luv.

11 Iz so hoppy an if u do dis u be hoppy laik me! LOL!

12 U hafta love eech uthr samez I love u. Srsly.

13 Teh bestest love iz if frend kitteh in BIG TRUBL, kitteh helps even if hasta die fr frend kitteh so frend lives! Srsly!!1!

14 If u do what I tole u, u r mai FRENDZ. Good deel!

ur not survantz no moar!

15 U no r survantz cuz a survant dosnt know hiz masters bizness. Rly u guyz r frendz cuz all teh stuff i lurnd from teh father u know nao.16 LOL u didnt chooz me, i choozed u to make good frootz that dont even need to go in teh fridge to stay good. then teh father iz going to give u good stuffz whenever u asks.17 And dis iz super speshul - LUV EACH UTHR. Srsly.

18 If teh urf pwns u, noes it pwns me frst.

19 If u wuz uv teh urf, teh urf wuld b like OMG ur awsum! But ur not, so it pwns u.

20 Membr, teh Ceiling Cat iz bettr than teh kittehs. If dey pwns me, dey pwns u. If dey luvs teh stuffs I sez, dey luvz ur stuff too.

21 Dey pwns u cuz dey not noes teh Ceiling Cat.

22 If teh d00dz were not hear me, dey wud has no invisible error; but nao dey heard me, so dey no can has excuse.

23 D00dz dat hayts me hayts teh Ceiling Cat.

24 I did all teh stuffs, n nao d00dz r like DO NOT WANT. Nao teh d00dz hayts me n teh Ceiling Cat.

25 Dey haytz me cuz uv teh lawz n teh buks. WTF?

26 Iz gonna send teh d00d from teh Ceiling Cat, n he's gonna tell u teh truf. (Dat d00d b Helprcat aka Hovrcat.)

27 You d00dz r gonna talk bout dis, cuz ur my BFFs from back in teh day. Rite?

John 15
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