John 3

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New Testament
Happy Cat Lernz Nicoteneus

1 Naow dis guy Nicoteneus iz a lvl 64 Pharisee and leeds teh joos.2 He comez to teh Happy Cat in teh nites and he sez "We knoes u comez frum teh Ceiling Kitteh and we knoes u pwn."

3 An Happy Cat sed, "Ceiling Kitteh has invisible haus, u gots 2 borned agen 2 see it."

4 Nicoteneus sez, "o rly, d00d? How doez dat werk?"

5 Happy Cat sez, "is da truth, u hafta be born agen wif waterz an spiritz an stuffs.6 Flesh givez birf 2 flesh, but teh spirit gives birf to spirit, k?7 Y r u so konfoozled?8 Is lyke wind, it doz its own stufs an u dunno how it werks, but is all ok, amirite? Is like that!"

9 Nicoteneus sez, "I doez not get it." :(

10 "Den ur not gud teecher," sed Happy Cat . "Lez flame tnak his b4se!"11 "Ok, iz da twoof. We says sum stuff dat we sawed, and teh peeplez is still konfoozled.12 I ben talkin bout teh stuffs on urf and ur still lyke, 'whut?' so whut bout Ceiling an stuffs?13 I iz da only wan whos gone to Ceiling so u haves 2 trusts me, mkay?14 I gots 2 b lifteded up lyke Moses an his snakedy thingy,15 coz if u beleeves ur not gon be ded! Eternal lifes, u can has it!

16 So liek teh Ceiling Kitteh lieks teh ppl lots and he sez 'Oh hai I givez u me only kitteh and ifs u beleeves him u wont evr diez no moar, kthxbai!'17 Cuz teh Ceiling Kitteh not snd hiz son 2 take all yur cookies, but so u cud maek moar cookies 4EVAR!18 U beleevz him u getz cheezburgrs, but els you get invisibul error.19 Lytes ar on now heer, but catzes no caer cuz they can see wit no lyte anyway.20 Invisibul error no liek lyte, him no liek be seed.21 Good kitteh no skeered of lyte, cuz himz not messin up."

John teh Washerer Sez Abowt Happy Cat

22 Happy Cat an doodz goed to Judean place, an he washded ppls again .23 John wuz washding ppls too. Lotz of wet furz oh noes!24 (All afore John gotz pwned.)25 An tehy had some big fite about washding.26 An tehy tole John, "Oh hai, soem otehr dood iz washing ppls."

27 John sez, "LOL! you only can haz cheezburgerz from teh Ceiling.28 You noes I was liek, 'Hey, Ai not teh pwnzor.'29 Some1 els iz bosscat.30 Him wil pwn, ai iz just n00b LOL.

31 "The Ceiling Cat pwnz all; Us iz n00bz, can tell from how us talk ROFL. Did ai alreddy sez Ceiling Cat pwnz?32 Himz seez an tellz bout wut he seez, but no ppl lisen.33 U no Ceiling Cat is reelz.34 Cuz Ceiling Catz kitteh sez troof, cuz him can haz Invisibul Cat.35 Ceiling Cat lubs kitteh and lets him play wit shinies.36 Beleev in kitteh and no get eated, or get pwned in teh face, n00b."

John 3
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