Joshua 11

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Joshua maed war lawng tiem wif awl tehm kings

1 Dood Jabin uv Hazor hurd Jacob gunna maed himz ded, so himz send lotz of guyz frm Shimron nd guyz frm Schshaph nd guyz frm2 Achshaph, nd kings uv the hil country, nd guyz frm teh Arabah3 him send lotz of guyz frm awl ovah.4 Tehy caem out, wif awl thair doodz, a grate armi, in numbah liek teh san awn teh C shaw, wif many animulz nd chariots.5 Al dem kings caem wif thair doodz, nd caem nd camped at teh waterz uv Merom, to fyte wif Israel, dem awl wuz pissin thair pants wif feer.

6 Ceiling Cat sed to Joshua, "Do nawt b fraid uv dem, aye will hand ovah al uv dem ded, to Israel; U mess wit thair animulz, nd burn thair chariots wif firebalz."7 So Joshua caem on dem fast wif awl him doodz, nd maed dem pissin thair pants wif feer.8 Ceiling Cat hand dem ovah 2 hiz peeps, who attact dem nd maed dem run fur Grate Sidon nd into teh hils. Tehy struk dem down, til tehy gone, nd tehy wer liek, “No Wai! awl gone?”9 Joshua did to dem as teh Ceiling Cat sed to him; him mess wif thair animulz, nd burnt thair chariots wif firebalz. Joshua liek firebalz, srsly.

10 Joshua go bak nd took Hazar, nd struk eets king down wif teh stick. Bfure taht tiem Hazar, waz hed uv awl tehm kingdoms.11 tehy put to teh stick awl nd maed dem ded; thair waz noo one, dem awl ded, nd Joshua burnt Hazar wif firebalz. Joshua liek firebalz, srsly.12 Joshua took, nd struck awl dem kings wif teh edge uv teh stick, nd maed dem ded, as Mosez the servant uv teh Ceiling Cat tol himz.13 Butt Israel firebalz none uv teh baes taht stood awn mounds cept Hazar, Joshua firebalz dat.14 teh Israelites maed teh Law of Grabbity wif awl teh animulz and stufz, butt awl teh peeps tehy struck down wif teh edge uv teh stick, until they awl gone.15 As teh Ceiling Cat sed to hiz servant Mosez, so Mosez sed to Joshua, nd so Joshua doen it; him doen wut teh Ceiling Cat sed to Mosez.

16 So Joshua took awl taht landz: teh hil country nd awl teh Negeb nd awl teh landz uv Goshen nd teh lowlandz nd teh Arabah nd teh hil country uv hiz peeps nd eets lowlandz,17 frm Mount Halak, which rizes to Seir, 2 Baal-gad in teh valley uv Lebanoon blow Mount Hermon. Him took awl thair kings, struck dem down, nd kiel demz.18 Joshua maed war lawng tiem wif awl tehm kings.19 Thair waz nawt a baes taht maed peece wif Joshua’s peeps, except the Hivites, teh inhabitantz uv Gobeon; awl were tekn in big fyte. Jacob kiel demz.20 Ceiling Cat maed thair hearts harribl so tehy fyte wif teh Israelites so taht tehy be awl gone, wif noo mercy, butt tehy b awl gone, jus liek Ceiling Cat sed to Mosez.

21 Joshua him kield lotz of guyz; Joshua maed dem nd thair baes ded. Himz tuff dood dat joshua.22 Nun uv the Anakim waz lef in teh landz uv teh Israelites; sum staid in Gaza, in Gath, nd in Ashod.23 So Joshua took awl teh landz, liek Ceiling Cat sed 2 Mosez; nd Joshua gaev eet fur inheritancez to Hiz peeps according to thair tribez stufz. Nd teh landz had restz frm war. WTF? noo more firebalz? Srsly?
Joshua 11
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