Judges 16

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Old Testament
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Samson taek gaet ov Gaza

1 1 daii Samson seaed a prostitot. dey wer leik PENIS GOEZ WHER? an dey sexxed.2 pplz wer liek "SAMSON IZ HURR" an' teh pplz ov Gaza wurr liek "WE'Z GONNA KILL IM WEN S'BRIGHT."

3 but Samzon left in teh nite an' he tooked teh dorz ov teh sittie gaits an' carried dem up teh hillz.

Delilah trix0r Samson

4 l8er Samzon luved a chik hoo wuz Delilahz.5 teh n00b phili rulerz wurr liek "find teh weeknez in his 1337 haxx skillz an' you can haz cheezburgerz.

6 so Delilahz wuz liek "wut iz teh secretz of ur 1337 hax an' how cn i tye u up, cuz i no u liek teh kinkynez."

7 an' Samzon wuz liek "tie me wit teh thongz, bby. an' iz be week fer u."

8 Delilahz got teh thongz an' she tyed Samzon wit dem.9 she hadz teh doodz hidden in teh roomz an' she wuz liek "SAMZON teh n00b philiz r hurr!" but he brokeded thro teh thongs.

10 den Delilahz wuz liek "u maed me luk stoopid. how do Iz tye u up?"

11 Samzon sed "tie meh up wit teh new ropez bby."

12 den Delilahz tyed him wit teh nuw ropez. den she sed "Samzon teh n00b philiz r hurr!" but den he brokeked teh ropez real quik.

13 Delilahz wuz liek "U maek me look liek teh n00b. DO NOT WANT. how do i tye u upz?" an' Samzon wuz liek "if u weeva ma cornbraidz into teh fabricz an' den stik teh pinz in it i bcum weekz." so den wile he wuz sleepin' Delilahz did dat.14 an den' she wuz liek "SAMZON, teh n00b philiz r heer!" an' den he woked up an' wuz not week.

15 den Delilahz wuz leik "How u sed 'i luv u' wen u don' tell meh stuffz? u maek me look leik teh n00b.."16 den she nagged leik teh womanz do an' he wuz tierd of dat shit.

17 den' he told her teh truethz. "i never cutz my cornbraidz sinze i wuz a bby. if i did i wuld be week."

18 den Delilahz called teh n00b philiz an' dey caem wit teh cheezburgerz 4 her.19 wen Samzon wuz azleep on Delilahz lap teh philiz cut hiz cornbraidz an' he wuz week.

20 den Delilahz sed "SAMZON teh n00b philiz r heer!" an' den we woek up an' wuz leik "s'all good." but teh Ceiling Cat ditched him cuz he din't haev no ghetto braidz no mor.

21 den teh philiz stoled im an' took out iz eyeballz. den dey put him in teh prizon 2 grind up stuffs 4 da cheezburgers.22 but iz hairz started 2 growz agin.

TEH DETH OV SAMSON

23 now teh n00b phili rulerz wurr prazin der god Dogon. an' dey wurr leik "WE CAN HAZ SAMZON ARE ENEMIE LOLZ! US FTW!!"

24 an' teh pplz wurr leik "YEZ. WE HAZ TEH DOOD WHO KILLED TEH PPLZ."

25 wen dey wurr hppy n stuffz dey wur leik SAMZON WILL BE ARE ENTIRTANMINT. den Samzon did lapdancez.26 den Samzon stood nezt 2 sum pillerz.27 now teh tempel had lotz of pplz in it leik 3, 4 touzand.28 den Samzon wuz leik "OH CEILING CAT, i can haz reveng 4 my 2 eyez?"29 den Samzon put hiz handz on teh pillerz,30 an' sed "I CAN HAZ HONORABEL DETH WIT TEH PHILIZ." an' pushed teh tempel down an' killed lotz of pplz.

31 den hiz broz went 2 git him. dey barried him wit Zorahz an' Eshtaolz in teh toom ov Manoah, hiz faja.

Judges 16
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