Leviticus 14

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Old Testament

Kleenzings From Teh Skin Diseases

1 So teh supah-supah Ceiling CAt sezz too teh Moses2 d3ms ar teh roolz fro teh dissaybulled peepuls wen iz braht 2 preest fro clenzin-3 teh preest wyll drag him outta der camp. if day no are haz teh lepper-C no NE morr4 h3 wyll get 2 burdz n sum C-derr wud n sum red yarn n hyssop (a prtty flowr!!!!11one!!1!!) 4 him to makes it cleen.5 den teh preest kil an burd ovr sum water datz iz in a p0t makeded form clay6 n den teh preest can has dunks teh burd dat Still haz sum o demz life an teh yarn an teh wud n teh prtty flowr in teh bluddz uv teh dedded burd.7 den teh preest guy willz shprinkle it on teh lepper 7 tymez n sai YU ARE ALL KLEENZ NOU!!1!!! n teh burd wit lief an stufs hasta flai a way ovur teh feeld. srsly.8 Teh peeples to b kleenz must wash teh clothes, shave teh hair, and bath in teh waters. Then teh peeples gonna be kleenz. Then they gonna go inta teh camp and stay outta teh tent 7 days.9 On 7 day, shave all teh hair againz and wash teh clothes againz and bathe in teh waters again, and u be like kleenz.10 On 8 day take 2 male big lambs and 1 tiny lamb 1 yerz olds. Do Not Want defects! Then takes teh three outta teh ten ephahs of teh fine flour with teh oil for teh grain offerin'.11 Teh priest who says YU ARE ALL KLEENZ NOU!!1!!! haz gotta prescents teh kleenz and teh offerin's at teh entrance of teh Tent of Teh Meeting.12 Then teh priest haz gotta take 1 of teh male lambs and make guilt offerin, and wave offerin' with teh log of oil (hows cans oil be log??? Im confuzzled).13 Hes gots to PWN teh lamb in teh place dats like holy, k? Its where the sin and burnt offerin's r PWNED. Likes teh sin offerin, teh burnt offerin' is teh priest's. It's like uBer-holy, k?14 The priest haz gotta takes teh blood and puts it on teh ear and teh thumb and teh biggy toe of teh guy hooz gonna be kleenz.15 The priest haz gotta take sum of teh log of teh oil (hows cans oil be log??? HALP im still confuzzled!) and puts it on his left hand.16 then hes gotta dips his right hand into teh oil in his palm and sprinkl3e it 7 times.17 Teh priest haz gotta puts some oil on teh right ear of teh guy hooz gotta be kleenz, and on teh right tumb and teh biggy toe and teh blood of teh burnt offerin'.18 Teh priest haz gotta puts teh rest of teh oil on teh guy hooz gotta be kleenz to make teh 'tonement.19 Then teh priest haz gotta PWN teh sin offerin' to make teh 'tonement, and PWN teh burnt offerin'.20 on teh altar with teh grain offerin to make teh 'tonement and make every1s kleenz.21 Buts ifs hes poor hes gots to takes 1 male lamb as teh guilt offerin' 2 be waved 2 make teh 'tonement 4 him, with teh 10th of teh ephah of teh fine flour and teh oil 4 teh grain offerin' and a log of oil (how canz oils be logs??? Im so confuzled HALP!)22 and teh 2 doves or teh 2 pigeons 1 for teh sin offerin' and 1 for teh burnt offerin'.23 At 8 day hes gots to bring tem 4 teh kleenzing at teh entrance of teh Tent of Teh Meeting.24 Teh priest has gots to take teh lamb and teh log of oil (Im goin' insane!) and wave tem 4 teh wave offerin'.25 Hes gonna PWN the lamb 4 teh guilt offerin' and puts teh blood on teh 1 2 b kleenz.26 Hes gonna puts teh oil on his left hand27 and sprinkl3e teh oil 7 times28 and puts teh oil on teh 1 2 b kleenz likes hes did with teh blood.29 Teh rest of teh oil gos on teh head of teh 1 2 b kleenz 4 teh 'tonement.30 Then hes gots to PWN teh doves oar teh pidgeons.31 1 as sin offerin' and 1 as burnt offerin', togethar wit teh grain offerin', 2 make teh 'tonment 4 teh 1 2 b kleenz.32 These b teh regulations 4 any1 hoos gots teh infectious skin disease and is too poor 4 teh regulat offerin's 4 teh kleenzings.

Kleenzings From Teh Mildew

33 Teh Lord says to Moses Cat and Aaron Cat,34 When u enter teh land of teh Canaan, which Im givin 2 u, and I puts like a mildew in teh house in teh land,35 Teh owner of teh house has gots to see teh priest and b like, "I HAZ A MILDEW!"36 Then teh priest has gots to b like, 'Get ur junks out of teh house NOW!" and teh owner of teh house has gots to b like, "Um, kay I gues" and takes all teh stuffs outs of teh house. Then teh priest has gots to go in teh house.37 Hes gots to looks at teh mildew and if teh mildew is like deeper than teh surface of teh wall,38 teh priest has gots to b like, "I"M BRINGING DOWN TEH HOUSE!" 4 7 days!39 On 7 day, teh priest has gots to come back 2 teh house and if teh mildew is spreadin'40 teh priest has gots to takes down teh stones and carry them outside of teh town.41 And hes gots to have teh walls scraped and teh mildew has gots to be thrown outside teh town.42 Then hes gots to take new stones and rebuild teh wall with teh plaster.43 Buts if teh mildew comes back ands like, "Oh, hai, im mildew!"44 then teh priest has gots to go back and if teh mildew spreads, teh priest has gots to b like "This house ain't kleenz!"45 The house has gots to be PWNED (stones PNWED, timbers PWNED, plaster PWNED, hole house PWNED) and carried out of teh town.46 And any1 who gos into teh house will be unkleenz.47 And any1 who sleeps in teh house or eats in teh house has gots to wash teh clothes.48 But if teh priest comes and teh mildew ain't spreadin', hes gots to be like, "This is kleenz house!"49 then hes gots to take some birdies and teh red yarn and teh hysop50 and hes gots to PWN 1 of teh birdies over teh waters in teh pot51 and dip teh red yarn and teh hysop and teh live birdy in teh blood of teh dead birdy and in teh water, and sprinkl3e teh house 7 times.52 and hes gots to purifies teh house with teh birdy blood and teh scarlet yarn and teh hysop53 and lets teh live birdy fly way free to make teh 'tonement 4 teh house so its b like kleenz.54 These b teh regulations 4 teh infectious skin diseases like teh itchies55 and teh clothes mildew and teh house mildew56 and teh swelling and teh rash and teh bright spot57 to no when somethings kleenz oar unkleenz. These b teh regulations 4 teh infectious skin diseases and 4 teh mildews.

Leviticus 14
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