Leviticus 23

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Old Testament

1 O hai! Ceiling Cat sayz 2 Mosez,2 Go sayz to teh Isrelytes and says thees r mai feasts, kthx.


Teh Sabbath

3 Fur 6 daze use gots 2 work. Buts on teh 7 day, use gots 2 rest. Its called teh Sabbath.

Teh Passin'Over and Teh Crackers

4 These r ma feasts.5 Teh Passin'Over iz at teh twilite of teh 14 daze of teh 1 monthz.6 On teh 15 daze of dat month, u gots teh feast of teh crackers. Eat crackers 4 7 daze.7 On teh 1 daze, hold a sacred gatherin' of all teh kitties. Do Not Want work!8 4 7 daze prescent teh offerin' of fire. DO NOT WANT workz!

Teh 1st Froott Loopz

9 Ceiling Cat sayz tu Moses,10 Go says to teh Israelites, when use gets to teh land im givin' u, harvest teh fruities and teh food. Give teh 1sts of it 2 teh preests.11 On teh day after teh Sabbath, teh preests will wave teh foods.12 The preests haz also gots to PWN teh lamb 1 yer old. Teh lamb haz gots to be perdy.13 The preests haz also gots to do teh grain offerin' wit 2 of teh 10 ephahs of flower and oil - teh fire offerin', a smelly smell - and teh drink offerin' of 1 of teh 4 hins of teh wine.14 Donts eats teh bred till teh offerin' is made.

Teh Feast of Teh Weaks

15 Counts teh weeks 2 7.16 Count teh daze 2 50, then present teh offerin' of teh new granes.17 Bring 2 loavs made of 2 of teh 10 ephahs of teh flower and teh yeast as teh wave offerin' of teh first of teh fruit loops.18 And use gots to have 7 male lambs, all perdy and 1 yerz old. They b 4 teh burnt offerin'. Dont forgetz teh drink offerin's 2.19 Then use gots to PWN a male goat 4 teh sin offerin' and 2 lambs, each 1 yerz old, 4 teh feloship offerin's.20 Teh preest has gots to wave teh lambs as teh wave offerin', togetha wit teh first of teh froot loops. They b teh sacred offerin' 4 teh preest.21 On dat day ther b teh saycred gatherin' of teh kittehs. DO NOT WANT work! Srsly!22 When uz harvst ur harvets, leave sum 4 teh poor kittehs and teh alien kittehs.

Teh Feast of Teh Trumpets

23 Ceiling Cat sayz to Mosiz,24 Go says to teh Isrielitz dat on teh 1 daze of teh 7 month, use gots to have teh saycred asembly of teh kittehs wit teh trumpets.25 DO NOT WANT work! Do teh fire offerin'.

Teh Daze of Teh 'tonement

26 Ceiling Cat sayz to Mozes, (dem iz BFF, lol)27 Teh 10 daze of teh 7 month b teh daze of 'tonemenet. Do teh sacred assembly of teh kittehs and teh fire offerin'.28 DO NOT WANT work, cuz its teh daze of 'tonement.29 Anywun hoo is like, "Iz ain't denying me!" haz gots to b PWNED. Srsly.30 If u work on teh daze of teh 'tonement, u will b PWNED. Srsly. hao meny tymz I has to tel u? N00b! Sersly! pay atenshun. Iz teh Ceiling Cat n all kittehs mus giv me propz!!!11!1231 DO NOT WANT wurk! I doz no care were u live. Werever u live, do not work!32 Cuz its teh sabbath. Use gots to deny uself. From teh evenin' of teh 9 daze, until teh evening of teh 10 daze, use gots to be like, "I iz observin' teh sabbath!"

Teh Feasts of Teh Tabernackels

33 Ceiling Cat sayz to Moses (agen - lol),34 Teh 15 daze of teh 7 month b teh feast of teh tabernacles.35 Teh first daze b teh sacred gatherin' of teh kittehs. DO NOT WANT work!36 4 7 daze do teh fire offerin's. On teh 8 daze do teh sacred gatherin' of teh kittehs and do ahnotha fire offerin'. DO NOT WANT Work!37 (These b teh feasts 4 teh sacred gatherin' of teh kitties. Do all teh offerin's evre day. k? srsly.38 And don't forgets teh other offerin's, u knows, teh sabbaths and teh vows, and teh freewill offerin's, etc.)39 So on teh 15 daze of teh 7 month, after use harvest, b like, "w00t!!!" 4 7 daze. srsly. Teh 1 daze is teh daze of rest.40 On teh 1 daze use gots to take teh best froot lupes and b like "w00t!!!" 4 7 daze. srsly. k?41 Its gots to b on teh 7 month. k?42 Go campin' in teh boofs 4 7 daze. srsly. k?43 Cuz use had to live in teh boofs when Iz broats use outs of teh Egypt.44 So Moses was like, "These r teh feasts! W00t!!! rispec to da Ceiling Cat. Srsly. kthx"

Leviticus 23
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