Luke 23

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New Testament

1 Evribodi gotted up an taeked him to Pilate.2 An dey wuz all "Diz d00d iz makin trubl, interferin wif teh IRS. He evn sez hez a king LOL."

3 So Pilate wuz liek, "Iz u teh king of teh Jooz?"
 Jesus wuz liek "Yep, srsly."

4 Den Pilate wuz liek "Datz not illegl LOL. No wai."

5 But evriwun wuz all "He haz ben makin trubl all ovr Judea, startin in Galilee."

6 Pilate wuz "O RLY? Hez from Galilee?7 Dat maekz him Herod's problim LOL." So he sended Jesus 2 Herod on teh monorail cat.

8 Herod wuz happi, bcz he had hearded about Jesus an thot he wud do sum trickz9 He askted him lotz of kweschnz but Jesus didint sai nothin.10 All kineds of peeplz wuz dere insultin him.11 Herod an hiz soljrz insulted him too. Dey putted niece clothes on him an sended him back to Pilate.12 Herod an Pilate wuz not palz bfor, but aftr dat dey maed frendz.

13 Pilate maed evribodi get togethr,14 an he wuz all "U sez dis d00d iz causin trubl but I cant find no proofz.15 An Herod cant eithr. I no canz giv him teh deth penlti for doin nothin LOL.16 So I wil jus taek hiz cookies awai an let him go."

17 Now u needz to undrstand dat dere wuz a big parti comin up, an at dis parti, Pilate had to let wun of teh priznrz go.18 Evribodi wuz all, "We can haz Barabbas now?"19 Barabbas wuz a murdrer an he startid a riot too.

20 Pilate wantid to let Jesus go insted so he wuz liek "Iz u sure?"21 But evribodi wuz all "Kill him wif teh cross!"

22 So Pilate wuz liek "OK thrd tiem. What did dis d00d do rong enniwai? He duzint dezrv teh deth penalti. So i will just taek hiz cookies an let him go hoem k."

23 But evribodi wuz all "CROSS NOW"24 so Pilate sed "k."25 He let teh othr d00d go an gaev Jesus to teh pplz.

Teh Cross

26 Whiel dey wuz draggin him awai dey seed Simon from Cyrene an maed him carri teh cross.27 Lotz of peepl wuz dere, includin sum ladiez who wuz cryin.28 Jesus wuz liek "U shudnt crai for me. U shud crai for urselvz an ur kittnz.29 Bcz teh tiem wil com when u wil wish u nevr hadded eni kittnz at all.30 Den
 " 'u will be liek Mountinz, fall on us!"
 an hillz, covr us!" '
31 If peepl do dis when there is cheezeburger, what thei do when thei can no has cheezeburger?"

Jesus cat.jpg

32 Two othr d00dz wuz dere to be eksekutid. Dey wuz criminalz k.33 Dey caem to dis plaec called teh Skull (rock!) an crucified Jesus betwin teh criminalz.34 Jesus sed, "Ceiling Cat, forgiv dem, dey duzint know what dey iz doin." An teh guardz playd diec to desied who got Jesus's yarnz.

35 Evribodi maed fun of Jesus. Dey wuz liek "If he is Ceiling Cat's son he shud saev hizself."

36 Teh soljrz wuz liek "LOL" an gaev him vinigar to drink.37 Dey wuz liek "If u iz teh king of teh Jews, saev urself."

38 An dey putted a sien on him dat sed KING OF TEH J00Z LOL.

39 Wun of teh criminalz wuz bein all rude.

40 But teh othr wun wuz liek "Izint u afraid of Ceiling Cat? U gotted teh deth penalti too, remembr.41 We dizrv it, but Jesus didint do ennithin rong."

42 Den he wuz liek, "Jesus, remembr me when u getz bak to ur kingdm."

43 Jesus wuz liek "Todai u wil be wif me in ceiling."

Jesus Diez :(

44 It wuz around six an it gotted dark for three hourz,45 bcz teh sun stoppted shinin. An teh curten in teh templ wuz torn in half. Dat wuz a mirakl, no wun wuz sharpnin dere clawz on it or nothin, srsly.46 Jesus wuz all "Ceiling Cat, I sendz mai spirit to u." An den he died. Was ver sad, I creid :(

47 Roman kitteh see whut happin, say 2 Ceiling Cat "Jesus good kitteh, not should die D:"48 Teh ppl that saw gotted sad. Dey rode away wif invisible bike.49 Peeple taht knew Jesus (teh wummenz too, lol) from Galilee, dey staid 'n' wached.

Jesus iz burid

50 Honurable man is honorrble, he name Joseph.51 When Cross happn he say "DO NOT WANT." Josph from Arimthtehea, he wantid Ceiling Cat 2 come.52 He say to Pilate, "I taik Jesus' body, kk?"53 He take down & wrap it in soft yarn and placed it in cave, whut was emptyt.54 Yay, verily, it was Caturday.

55 Teh wummenz what came wif Jesus from Galilee followeded Joseph saw tomb & yarn & body of Jesus.56 Dey go home and make nice Cheezburger. But dey rested on teh caturday 'cuz Ceiling Cat liek dat.

Luke 23
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