From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Teh Parable of Teh Tenants
1 Happy Cat den began 2 speek 2 them in parablez: "a man plantd vineyard. He put wall around it, dug pit 4 da winepres an built watchtowr. Den he rentd teh vineyard 2 sum farmers an movd 2 anothr place.2 at harvest tiem he sent servant 2 teh tenants 2 collect frum them sum ov teh fruit ov teh vineyard.3 but they seizd him, beat him an sent him away empty-handd.4 den he sent anothr servant 2 them; they struck dis man on teh head an treatd him shamefully.5 he sent still anothr, an dat wan they killd. He sent lotz da others; sum ov them they beat, others they killd.6 "he had wan left 2 send, son, whom he lovd. He sent him last ov all, sayin, they will respect mah son.7 "but teh tenants sed 2 wan anothr, dis ar teh teh heir. Come, lets kill him, an teh inheritance will be ours.8 so they took him an killd him, an threw him out ov teh vineyard.9 "wut den will teh ownr ov teh vineyard do? He will come an kill dose tenants an giv teh vineyard 2 others.10 havent u read dis pasage ov scripchur: " teh stone teh builders rejectd Has become teh cornerstone;11 teh lord has dun dis, An it marvelous in r eyez [a]?"12 den teh chief priests, teh teachers ov teh law an teh elders lookd 4 wai 2 arrest him cuz they knew he had spoken teh parable against them. But they wuz afraid ov teh crowd; so they left him an went away.
I Can Has Taxes???
13 latr they sent sum ov teh fariseez an herodianz 2 Happy Cat 2 katch him in his werdz.14 they came 2 him an sed, "teachr, we knoe dat u r man ov integrity. U arent swayd by others, cuz u pai no attenshun 2 hoo they r; but u teach teh wai ov ceilin cat in accordance wif teh truth. Iz rite 2 pai teh imperial tax [b] 2 caesar or not?15 shud we pai or shouldnt we?" But Happy Cat knew their hypocrisy. "y r u tryin 2 trap me?" he askd. "brin me denarius an let me look at it."16 they brought teh coin, an he askd them, "whose image iz dis? An whose inscripshun?" "caesars," they replid.17 den Happy Cat sed 2 them, "giv bak 2 caesar wut iz caesars an 2 ceilin cat wut iz ceilin cats." An they wuz amazd at him.
Marriage at teh resurrecshun=
18 den teh sadduceez, hoo say thar iz no resurrecshun, came 2 him wif queshun.19 "teachr," they sed, "mosez wrote 4 us dat if manz brothr diez an leavez wife but no children, teh man must marry teh widow an raize up offsprin 4 his brothr.20 nao thar wuz 7 brothers. Teh furst wan marrid an did without leavin any children.21 teh second wan marrid teh widow, but he also did, leavin no child. It wuz teh same wif teh third.22 in fact, none ov teh 7 left any children. Last ov all, teh woman did 2.23 at teh resurrecshun [c] whose wife will she be, since teh 7 wuz marrid 2 her?"24 Happy Cat replid, "r u not in error cuz u do not knoe teh scripturez or teh powr ov ceilin cat?25 when teh ded rize, they will neithr marry nor be given in marriage; they will be liek teh angels in heaven.26 nao bout teh ded risin - has u not read in da book of Exodus, in da akownt ov teh burnin bush, how ceilin cat sed 2 him, i r ceilin cat ov abraham, teh ceilin cat ov isaac, an teh ceilin cat ov jacob [d]?27 he iz not teh ceilin cat ov teh ded, but ov teh livin. U r badly mistaken!"
Teh greatest commandment!=
28 1 ov teh teachers ov teh law came an herd them debatin. Noticin dat Happy Cat had given them gud anzwr, he askd him, "ov all teh commandments, which iz teh most important?"29 "teh most important wan," anzwerd Happy Cat, "iz dis: hear, o israel: teh lord r ceilin cat, teh lord iz 1! [e]30 luv teh lord ur ceilin cat wif all ur hart an wif all ur soul an wif all ur mind an wif all ur strength. [f]31 teh second iz dis: luv ur neighbor as yourself. [g] thar iz no commandment greatr than thees."32 "well sed, teachr," teh man replid. "u r rite in sayin dat ceilin cat iz wan an thar iz no othr but him.33 2 luv him wif all ur hart, wif all ur understandin an wif all ur strength, an 2 luv ur neighbor as yourself iz moar important than all burnt offerings an sacrificez."34 when Happy Cat saw dat he had anzwerd wisely, he sed 2 him, "u r not far frum teh kingdom ov ceilin cat." an frum den on no wan dard ask him any moar queshuns.
Whose son iz teh mesiah?
35 while Happy Cat wuz teachin in da temple courts, he askd, "y do teh teachers ov teh law say dat teh mesiah iz teh son ov david?36 david him, speakin by teh holy spirit, declard: " teh lord sed 2 mah lord: "sit at mah rite hand Til i put ur enemiez Undr ur feet." [h]37 david him calls him lord. How den can he be his son?" Teh large crowd listend 2 him wif delight.
Warnin against teh teachers ov teh law
38 as he taught, Happy Cat sed, "watch out 4 da teachers ov teh law. They liek 2 walk around in flowin robez an be greetd wif respect in da marketplacez,39 an has teh most important seats in da synagoguez an teh placez ov honor at banquets.40 they devour widows haus an 4 show mak lengthy prayers. Thees doodz will be punishd most severely."
Teh widows offerin
41 Happy Cat sat down opposiet teh place wer teh offerings wuz put an watchd teh crowd puttin their money into teh temple treasury. Lotz da rich peeps threw in large amounts.42 but poor widow came an put in 2 vry small coppr coins, worth only fracshun ov penny.43 callin his disciplez 2 him, Happy Cat sed, "truly i tell u, dis poor widow has put moar into teh treasury than all teh others.44 they all gaev out ov their wealth; but she, out ov her poverty, put in evrythin - all she had 2 liv on!"
- a - Mark 12:11 psalm 118:22,23
- b - Mark 12:14 speshul tax levid on subject peoplez, not on teh roman citizenz
- c - Mark 12:23 sum manuscripts resurrecshun, when peeps rize frum teh ded,
- d - Mark 12:26 exodus 3:6
- e - Mark 12:29 or teh lord r ceilin cat iz wan lord
- f - Mark 12:30 deuteronomy 6:4,5
- g - Mark 12:31 leviticus 19:18
- h - Mark 12:36 psalm 110:1
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