Mark 3

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New Testament
Happy Cat w0rkz even on Caturday

1 An so Happy Cat goed in teh church an a kitteh wuz there an teh kitteh haz difectiv pawz!

2 An every1 wacht him to see if he wud pwn on caturday cuz kittehs r suposed to haz teh sleepz on caturday an every1 in teh church want to no if Happy Cat wud brake hiz own rulez.

3 An so he sed to teh difectiv kitteh "i no ur paw hurtz, lolz, but get over to me newayz."

4 An then Happy Cat sed "Hay guise, y do u think itz beter to do no w0rkz and leeve this kitteh to hurt thn to do teh w0rkz and mak this kitteh not b ded?" An the guise in church, they sed nothingz.

5 An so Happy Cat was mad at teh guise and wanted to pwn them cuz they were actin like n00bs but then Jesus sed to teh hurt kitteh "Hay, giv ur paw to me plz" an teh hurt kitteh did it an then hiz paw waznt difective no morez!

6 An then those guise left frm teh church an tawked to teh other bad guise and were all lyke "omgwtf, Happy Cat needz 2 b pwned."

7 But Happy Cat, hes no n00b, he already took hiz frendz an went to teh oshun an all teh good kittehs frm Galilee an Judaea

8 an Jeroosalum an Idumaea an Jordan an Tyre and Sidon an outer space, they ALL were like "OMG! Happy Cat pwns so much, srsly! We haz to go and pwn with Jesus!"

9 An so Happy Cat sed "Hay guise, I haz to go on a boat now cuz these other guise r nice nice kittehs an all but there r too many of themz an i need a getaway car, lolz."

10 Cuz Happy Cat had pwned all over teh place an he pwned so much that all teh kittehs want to tuch Jesus and all these kittehs had teh dizeazez, gross.

11 An these guise who usd to b bad guise were all falin down cuz mayb tey don no how to walk, these guise were lyke "Happy Cat, u r son of Ceiling Cat!"

12 An Happy Cat waz lyke "Hay guise, stop tellin bout me so loud cuz im tryin to hide, srsly."

Happy Cat goez up teh mountainz an playz teh Name Game

13 An so Happy Cat was lyke "Im gona clime tis mountain lyke iz nothin an u guise can clime it 2 if i tell u, kthxbai."

14 An so he said eeny meeny miney moe an picked 12 kittehs to com up an lern all teh thingz an tehn Happy Cat wuz like "hay thx 4 comin, now go bak down teh big hill an tell evry1 wut i said, kthxbai."

15 Tehn Happy Cat sed "Oh hay wate, u guise can pwn a little bit, jus mak teh kittehs wif harebalz feel betr an if u see demons, u make them go way, kthxbai."

16 An he wuz like "Hay Simon, ur new name iz Peter"

17 An tehn he wuz like hay, this is fun, letz play teh name game, lolz. "James, ur son of Zebedee and John ur bruthur of James so u can hav name of Boanerges an that meens u r teh sunz of THUNDER, b00mz, lol, lyke Thor exept not cuz we don beleeve in those guise."

18 An he lyked teh name game an kept playin it, sayin "Hay Andrew an Philip and Bartholomew (mew, lolz) an Matthew an Thomas an James--not teh furst James, teh son of Alphaeus--an Thaddeus an Simon--not teh furst Simon, the Canaanite

19 O an Judas Iscariot, ur the one who acted like a n00b an betraied me tat one tyme but ur still invyted 2 mai howse, kthx."

Happy Cat can haz partee now?

20 An Happy Cat an teh dicyplez, tey had a partee but wuz not a fun partee cuz there wuz too many kittehs an no fud in the fud dish an nobudy cud get 2 teh fudz anyway cuz it was so crowdid.

21 An all hiz frends, they were lyke "Happy Cat, srsly, ur lozing ur mind, wtf are u havin a partee 4."

22 An the scribes, they wer comin frm Jeroosalem an they were like "Happy Cat, srsly, u gotz teh devilz in u, u betr fix it quick, kthx."

23 An Happy Cat was like "Hay guise, srsly, if I haz teh devilz in me how u think I can pwn maiself, r u nuts?"

24 An Happy Cat was like "K, srsly agen, if u guise cant agree on if i am a good kitteh or a devil kitteh u cant make a very gud kingdum can u?"

25 An tehn Happy Cat wuz like "An srsly yet agen, if all teh kittehs in one howse are lyke hay i want fish and teh other kittehs are lyke no i wan chickenz then their howse cannt stand cuz all teh kittehs will tere it down, srsly, don do taht, kthx."

26 An then Happy Cat wuz lyke "An if teh devilz like tryed to pwn himself he wud be ded, lolz."

27 "An so if ur a good kitteh and a bad kitteh tryes to com to ur hows and pwn you, teh bad kitteh has to tie u up furst cuz thats teh only wai u wud let teh bad bad kitteh pwn ur stuffz."

28 "An so herez teh thingz, if ur a bad bad kitteh to anothr kitteh an say bad thingz abowt teh kitteh u can stil be frendz wit me an Ceiling Cat, if ur vry vry sry."

29 "An but if ur lyke a bad bad kitteh an u say teh bad thingz about mai frend teh Hovr Cat (wooooooo, lolz i skared u, skaredy kitteh lolz), if u say teh bad thingz abowt teh Hovr Cat, u will be pwnd and pwnd and pwnd 4EVER, even if u say ur sry, so don be bad to teh Hovr Cat, kthx."

30 An so all tehze kittehs were lyke hay, srsly, Happy Cat is loozin it.

31 An so hiz brutherz an even his mom they cam 2 see Happy Cat (an u no ur in deep truble when ur mom haz to com talk at u) an they were lyke "Happy Cat, srsly, wtf is ur problem."

32 An all teh other kittehs were lyke "Aww, Happy Cat ur in trubble, ur mom iz here, lolz."

33 An Happy Cat wuz lyke "wtf r u guise even sayin to me"

34 An Happy Cat was lukin at every1 (which wuz creepy but wat can u do, iz Happy Cat)and all tryin to see wtf those guise were sayin to him an tehn he sed "omg, srsly, look evry1! My mom an brutherz, they came to mai partee! lolz!"

35 An jus incas evry1 was not teh unrstand, Happy Cat sed "if u obay teh Ceiling Cat, iz jus lyke ur my bruther or sistur or even mai mom, lolz. Cuz Ceiling Cat is my dad and ur dad and we r all famlee, lolz, srsly."

Mark 3
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