From LOLCat Bible Translation Project
Happy Cat haz teh storee tymes
1 An so Happy Cat luvd teh oshunfront properteez an he wen thar to teech teh guise about thingz an ther were so many guise there that Happy Cat was like "lolz, too menny guise on teh beech, gtg teech on a boat frm teh oshun, an u guise can lissen frm the beech wich is a pretty sweete deal if u ask me."
2 An so he toght them teh lessunz but it wuz those lessunz that were akshully about one thingz even tho Happy Cat sed the otherz an u had to figur it out urself, wich is hard to do, and he sed:
3 "O hai, so once thar waz a planter gui;
4 An he wuz plantin hiz gardenz an sum of teh seedz got in teh rong playce an the birdz, they cam to eet teh seedz
5 An som of teh seedz they got put on teh roks wich is a dum plaice to plant teh seedz cuz thars no dirt there but teh seedz they groo up newayz
6 An tehn teh sun it came up an teh seedz grone on teh roks, they got pwned bai teh sun cuz sun is too hot 4 teh plantz
7 An some othur seedz, they got put bai teh plantz with teh skary spiky th0rnz an teh th0rnz sux0rx cuz they sckweeze teh plants to ded and teh plantz make no frootz.
8 An sum other seedz they got in teh good dirtz an they groo and groo and mayde teh frootz an made like bazilyunz of frootz."
9 An so Happy Cat sed "Did u here that guise? Or r u guise def?"
10 An hiz 12 frends, latr that dai were lyke "O hai Happy Cat, wtf were you even saying in the boat?"
11 An Happy Cat sed "Hay, u guise are sposed to no wat i was talkn about cuz u hav teh mistery solving skillz, ur lyke sherlok homes an stuff, but those othr guise, the ones on teh beech, they don no teh mistery stuffz so they has to lissen to mai storeez and figur it out themsalvez, lolz."
12 So they can lookz at teh thingz and no wat color those thingz r but not no what it iz an they can here mai wurds and no what teh wurdz r but not get what ahm sayin, but if they r like "o hai Happy Cat an Ceiling Cat, we r vry sry for bein dum, we can haz halp?" then they can undrstand mai storeez.
13 An Happy Cat was like "So guise what ahm sayin is if u don no how to undrstand mai storee about teh planterz then u don know much of nething. So I halpz u guise so u stop bein dum."
14 "Teh. Planterz. Wuz. Plantin. Mai. An. Ceiling. Cats. Wurdz.
15 An so teh seedz were rilly mai an Ceiling Cats wurdz an sumtimes teh devilcat, hez lyke teh burdz in teh storee who takes teh stray seedz awai.
16 An tehn there r teh guise who hav teh stonz 4 grownd and mai w0rdz r sooper cool an they r like "omg, new seedz, these pwn, thx Happy Cat"
17 An but these guise r dum as roks and made of roks so they git excytid about mai wordz jus at furst an then as soone as they hav somethin go rong wit them they r all lyke "omg, Happy Cat, srsly, ur w0rdz sux0rz, they don w0rkz anymoar. thx but nothxbai."
18 An those seedz that git on teh skary th0rnz, those th0rnz guise here mai w0rdz
19 An they say "o hai Happy Cat, this is nice but i lykes othur thingz like teh moneyz and teh buttsecks, sry" an mai w0rdz dont w0rkz 4 those guise.
20 An then there r good guise who r like "O hai Happy Cat, u pwn alwayz even wehn mai lyfe kinda sux0rz so lemme maike u sum frootz an u can hav it for dinnerz, lolz."
21 An then Happy Cat sed "If you haz candel do u put it under a bukkit or under ur bedz? no thats silly, u has to put it on candelstik, rite?
22 An u cant hide nothin frm me or Celing Cat cuz we seez all ur sekritz an moar, lolz, u no how Celing Cat seez u doin things, rotflolz."
Happy Cat has moar storee tymes
23 An Happy Cat was like "O hay guise, I sed for u to lisen"
24 An Happy Cat sed "O hai, I hop u were lisenin cuz ur gonna hav a pop kwiz on this l8r this week, srsly.
25 An if u get a gud grayd, u will git cheezburgz an if u git bad grayds u will git all ur cheezburgz pwned, srsly."
26 An Happy Cat sed "So if u wan to b frends wit me an Ceiling Cat, itz jus lyke bein a planterz and plantin seedz;
27 An seein ur seedz groe and groe, wehn u r sleepin in a sun pach an wehn u r gettin up at all tymes of teh dai n nite, even if u don no how they groe.
28 An u see teh frootz on teh plantz lyke a leaf an sum cormz, like earz of cormz, even tho itz not frootz it groez lyke frootz but neway u no wat I mean."
29 "Neway wehn they gotz teh frootz or corms or whatevr, they alwayz jus put it in a box at teh harvist tyme!"
30 An Happy Cat sed "Letz plai a game, lolz. Pretendz Ceiling House is lyke a seed, wat shud it be?"
31 An evry1 was lyke "omg, letz make it lyke a wat0rmelonz" or "letz hav it be catnipz, rotflolz." But Happy Cat sed "Ok, gaime ovr, its a musterd seed." an teh guise were lyke "wtf Jesus, musterds are too smal" and Jesus sed "I no, thats on purpis Im Jesus remembur, u jus lisen to mai w0rdz."
32 Happy Cat sed "Wehn musterd seedz groez itz like pwnz0rz!!! Musterd seeds gigant0rz an make big treez an branchiz an all those berdz can be flyin in an undor teh treez an chillin in teh shaydez an stuffz."
33 An Happy Cat jus kept tellin teh guise hiz w0rdz an ovr an ovr jus wit difrent storeez an teh guise herd teh storeez.
34 But Happy Cat he nevr sed teh w0rdz of hizelf an Ceiling Cat unles it was lyke a storeez cuz teh guise were always lyke "Is it can be plz storeez tyme now plzkthx?" An he alwayz xplaynd teh storeez to teh disyplez l8r so they wud no all teh thingz.
Happy Cat pwns teh windz an oshunz
35 An so when storeeztyme was dun, Happy Cat was all lyke "Hay guise, letz blow tis popsickle standz, srsly."
36 An so they were all lyke "Storeez tyme, itz ovr, u guise can go hom now plz kthxbai." An Happy Cat an teh disyplez got on teh getaway boat an went to teh oshun an there was lots of other boats there too.
37 An whooooooosh, ther was lots of st0rmz and windz an there wuz waterz in teh boats an evry1 sed "O noes! Kittehs h8 teh waterz! Halp!"
38 An Happy Cat, he was jus sleepz on a pilowe, dreemin of corms an wat0rmel0nz an teh guise went an waked him up an sed "Happy Cat, srsly, we r gonna be ded soon an u don even care?"
39 An Happy Cat got up an was like "O hay wind u stop pwning mai boat an oshun u stop pwning mai boat too." An wudnt u no, teh wind an oshun stopd pwning.
40 An Happy Cat sed "R u srsly skaredy kittehs? I thot u had fayth in me."
41 An of corse all teh guise were skaredy kittehs an they were lyke "Ok, srsly, wtf is Happy Cat even sayin cuz who can make all teh windz and oshuns obay him an not b skary doin it?"
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