Mark 6

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A Proffet Wifout Honurz

1 Happy Cat left an went hoem, an teh disipls caem too.2 An den on Caturday he wuz teechn in teh tempul, an teh peepul wuz liek, "Hay, dat iz awsum! Hao duz he kno all dez tings?

3 Iznt dat teh carpentur? Iznt dat gai Mary's son, and sum gai's brudder? Iz hiz sisturs heer?" An dey was annoyd.

4 An Happy Cat sed "Teh proffit iz wifout honurz onlee wen heez at hoam."5 An Happy Cat cudnt do miraculz, except fur heeling sick peepulz.6 An he wuz liek "Hay, wai dey dun gotz no faithz?" An heez went around to lotz of plaacez.

Happy Cat Sendz teh Twelvz

7 An Happy Cat wuz liek "Hay, twelvz, u can comz heer, k?" An den he said "U gaiz go owt an fiet teh ebil spiwitz, k? Remembr to uz teh buddy systmz!"

8 An his instrucshunz wuz liek "U taekz onli staff wif u, k?9 An u wearz sandlz, but u not taekz spaer shurtz, k?10 O, an wen u goez insied a howse, u staiz dere until u leevz town, k?11 An if any plaice duznt hav peepz taht listnz to u, den u shaek ur feetz at dem wen u leevz, k?"

12 An dey went owt an dey wuz liek "Hay, u shud repentz, k?" And teh peepul wuz liek "Wut duz repent meen?" An dey wuz liek "Itz liek apolojyzin an bein gud, k?" An teh peepul wuz liek "o, okai."13 An dey kickt owt lotz of demunz an dey heeld lotz of sik peepul.

John teh Baptist Luzez Headz

14 An teh King Herod heerd dis, bcuz Happy Cat wuz famus nao. And peepul wuz liek "Hai, John teh Baptist isnt ded NEmore!"

15 An othurz wuz liek "He iz Elikhat!" An othurz wuz liek "No, he iz proffet!"

16 But Herod wuz liek "John teh Baptist caem bak to lief? No wai! OMGWTFBBQ!"

17 Bcuz Herod wuz liek "Hai, sumbody put John in prizun, k?" Bcuz Herodias wuz Philip's wief, an Philip wuz Herod'z brudder, an den Herod marreed Herodias.18 An John wuz liek "Hai, u cant do taht!"19 So Herodias wuntd to killz John. But she cudnt,20 bcuz Herod wuz skeerd of John, an he protectd him, bcuz he wuz gud. An John confuzd Herod, but Herod liekd lisning to John.

21 But den it wuz Herod'z birfday, an he hadz a big parti. An dere wuz yummi caek.22 An den Herodias's dottr caem in an dansed, an she wuz rly gud at dansin. An teh king wuz liek "Hai, Iz gunna giv u anyfing u wantz!" Srsly.23 An he wuz liek "Srsly, I promisz. I givz u wutevur u wantz."

24 An she wentz to her mothur an wuz liek "Hai, wut shud I ask foar?" An she wuz liek "Teh hed of John teh Baptist."

25 An teh gurl went to teh king an wuz liek "O, hai, I can haz teh hed of John teh Baptist on a plaet, plz?"

26 An teh king didnt want to do taht, but he promissd.27 So he wuz liek "Hai, cud sumwun go get teh hed, plz?" An sum gai went an cut off John's hed,28 An he brot it bak on a plaet taht he got sumwerez. An he gaev it to teh gurl, an she gaev it to her mothur.29 An wen tehy heeerd dis, John's disipls got hiz boddy (but not teh hed) an burryd it.

Happy Cat Feedz Lotz of Peepul

30 Teh Aposslz caem bak, an dey telld Happy Cat all teh stuff dey did an teechd.31 An den, bcuz dere wuz too many peepul an dey wuzn't getting lunch, he wuz liek "Hay, letz go rest nao, k?"

32 An so dey went away in a boat an went were nowun wuz.33 But lotz of peepul seez dem, an chaesd dem an got dere furst.34 An Happy Cat seez dem, an touhght dey wuz liek sheep wifout a shephurd. An he teeched dem stuff.

35 It wuz getting laet, so teh disiples wuz liek "Hay, itz rly laet, an we iz, liek, in teh middul of nowerez.36 U sendz dem hoem so dey can bai dinnur, k?"

37 But Happy Cat wuz liek "No wai! U giv dem fudz!" An dey wuz liek "But dats lotz of munniez! U wantz us to uze dat much munniez on teh fudz?"

38 An Happy Cat wuz liek "Hao much fudz duz we haz? U go check, k?" An dey checkd, an wuz liek "Dere iz fiev bredz an two tunaz."

39 An den Happy Cat wuz liek "Everwun sitz down nao, k?"40 An so everwun satz down on teh grass.41 An he grabbd teh fudz, an he lukd to teh Ceiling, an wuz liek "Hay, thx Ceiling Cat" an broek teh bredz. Den he wuz liek "Heer, u pass dis out, k?"42 An everwun ate an everwun wuz fullz,43 an teh disiplz pickd up teh leftovurz, an dere wuz twelv bukkitz ful. An dey put it in teh fridge to saev for latur.44 Fiev thousand peepulz atez. Srsly.

Happy Cat Walkz on Teh Waturz

45 An Happy Cat telled teh disiplz "Hay, u getz in teh boat nao, k? I be dere latur."46 An den he went on teh mountin to prai.

47 An wen it gotz all dark an stuff, teh boat wuz in teh middul of teh laek, an Happy Cat wuz aloen on teh landz.48 An he sawz taht teh disiplz wuz rly bad at rowingz bcuz dere wuz lotz of windz. An in teh middul of teh nit, he walkt owt on teh watur, an wuz gonna pass dem, bcuz he wuz rly fast,49 but wen dey seez him, dey iz like "OMG A GOST! WUTZ HAPPENIN?!"50 bcuz dey wuz skeerd of gosts. But Happy Cat wuz liek "Hay, Iz not gost! U no be skeerd, k?"

51 An den he got in teh boat an dere wuz no wind and teh disiplz wuz amaized,52 bcuz dey didnt get wut teh majic fudz ment.

53 An dey landed at soem plaice wif a funny naem.54 An wen dey got out of teh boat, peepul wuz like "Hay, dat's Happy Cat!"55 An dey brot sick peepul to him on teh matz.56 An Happy Cat heeld sick peepul an stuff werever he wuz. Srsly.

Mark 6
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