Mark 7

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New Testament

Whut haz gud flavr an dont

1 Teh Pharisees and teechurs uv lawz go way frum Jerusalem to see Happy Cat.2 Dey seed sum uv Happy Cat frenz go NUMNUMNUM but handz iz dirtieded, EWWW!3 (Pharisees an jooz no liek flavr wifout speshul washded hans liek alwayz tradishun.4 Wen dey go by foodz, alwyz cleen hans. Also jooz got lotsa tradishun bout washdeding foodz buckets.)

5 So teh Pharisees and teechurs axed Happy Cat, "OMGWTF!!!1!!1 Howcum ur guyz not haz washded liek tradishun an getz dirty flavr? Srsly."

6 Him sez, "LOLZ, Isaiah noze u wen he sez bout u fakerz; cuz teh Bibul sez:

" 'Deez guyz sayded gud stuf wif moufs,
but insydz deyz no got bukkit.
7 Dey wurshup me for nuffin;
dey iz tolded evrywun stuff thatz jus mayd up.'

8 Ur having forgetted wut Ceiling Cat tolded and u jus lieks tradishun."

9 And him sez: "Ur gud at ignorze whut Ceiling Cat tolded u so u can haz tradishun!10 Fur Moses tolded, 'Beez u good to papa An mama,' and, 'sumwun sayz bad to papa r mama, gots to be pwnd, srsly.'11 But ur sayin iz okie-dokie to saided to papa an mama: 'lol, ai can has no help u, cuz allz now beinged Corban' (Dis mean, gived to Ceiling Cat),12 an then teh guyz no helping papa an mama, WTF?!?!?!113 ur makin wut Ceiling Cat sayded nuffing cuz u gots tradishun! Ur doing losta fings liek dis."

14 Agin Happy Cat callz peepul and sez, "O hai, ai can has u lissen me?15 'Dirty' frum outsyd iz not bad flavr. Nsted, iz bad flavr 'dirty' frum insyd.' "

17 Den Happy Cat goz insyd howse and hims frenz wanting has explain of pairbul.18 "ZOMGWTF, u stoopidz?!!!" he axed. "Not seez what all stuff outsydz u putting in u not make u 'dirty'?19 Foodz not goez into hart, but ur tummie, den u poopz it." (Happy Cat sayded heer all foodz gotz gud flavr.)

20 Happy Cat talkded moar: "Wats in teh peeplz and comz out is making 'dirty'.21 Insyd peeplz harts iz big bukkit of meenyness, buttseks, taykin stuff, kil kittehs, harbl goes WHERE?22 want moar, scratchinz, lyin, yuckies, not liek udder kittehs, tawk bad abowt kittehs, thinked dey bettr kittehs and lotza stoopidz.23 Theez bad stuff frum insyd and makez 'dirty.' "

Woman iz in ur Syrophoenicia, bleevin in ur Ceiling Cat

24 Happy Cat goez away to playse neer Tyre. Him insyd sum howse, but telz no kitteh; stil him cant keep hisself seecurt25 Akshuly, wehn her herdz him neer, woman wit littel gurl gotz bad kitteh spirrut goez him and lize on carpet.26 Teh womanz a Greek, bornded in Syrian Phoenicia. Her axed pleez Happy Cat make bad kitteh spirrut leebz hers gurl, srsly.

27 "Firs teh kittehs can has cheezburger," him sayded her, "WTF, not take cheezburgerz frum kittehs for puppehs be eatin."

28 "YA, RLY," her sed, "but puppehs getz flavr on teh crums ifs kittehs leev."

29 Him sayded, "Ur having gud anser, lol! U can haz bad kitteh spirrut go frum ur gurl."

30 Her goz hers howse and founded gurl on teh couch, and bad kitteh spirrut okthxbye!

Happy Cat ficks man can has not speek or heer

31 Den Happy Cat leev hangin rowns Tyre and goed Sidon bi Galilee wer iz 10 cittis.32 Sum peepul brunged hims a man hu not heer and no tawk gud neevur, and dey beggded him pleeze 2 touching dis pore guy.

33 Happy Cat taked hims way frum alz peepul, stix feengrs in eers. Den Happy Cat can has spitted and grabbing hims tung.34 Hims looked at ceiling and tayk deep bref and sayz, "Ephphatha!" (dis meaned, "I can has openinged, plz?!" ).35 OMGWTF!!!!1!!1 manz eerz workinged, tung wigglz and him speek gud, srsly!

36 Happy Cat telled dem not sayingz nuffing, srsly. But moar tawx him, moar peepul tawxing abowt wat Jebus doed.37 Everwun liek SRSLY OMGWTF, RLY?!?!?!! "Him doinged allz very gud," dey sayded. "D00d cans ficks peepul can has not speek or heer!"

Mark 7
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