Matthew 17

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Transformers: More Than Meets Teh Eye!

1 Aftr 6 dais Jesus took with him petr, jamez an john teh brothr ov jamez, an led them up high mountain by themselvez.2 thar he wuz tranzfigurd before them. His face shone liek teh sun, an his clothez became as wite as teh light!3 Jus den thar appeard before them mosez an Elikhat, talkin wif Jesus!4 Petr sed 2 Jesus, "lord, it good 4 us 2 be here. If u wish, im gonna put up 3 shelter - 1 4 u,1 4 mosez an 1 4 Elikhat."5 While he wuz still speakin, bright cloud coverd them, an voice frum teh cloud sed, "dis ar teh mah son, whom i luv; wif him im well pleezd. Listen 2 him!"6 when teh disciplez herd dis, they fell facedown 2 teh ground, terrifid.7 but Jesus came an touchd them. "git up," he sed. "doan be afraid."8 when they lookd up, they saw no wan except Jesus.9 as they wuz comin down teh mountain, jesus instructd them, "doan tell anyone wut u has seen, til teh son ov man has been raisd frum teh ded!"10 teh disciplez askd him, "y den do teh teachers ov teh law say dat Elikhat must come furst?"11 jebus replid, "2 be sure, Elikhat comez an will restore all things.12 but i tell u, Elikhat has already come, an they did not recognize him, but has dun 2 him evrythin they wishd. In da same wai teh son ov man iz goin 2 suffr at their hanz."13 den teh disciplez understood dat he wuz talkin 2 them bout john teh baptist.

Jesus PWNS a Demon

14 When they came 2 teh crowd, man approachd jesus an knelt before him.15 "lord, has mercy on mah son," he sed. "he has seizurez an iz sufferin greatly. He often falls into teh fire or into teh watr.16 i brought him 2 ur disciplez, but they cud not heal him."17 "U unbelievin an perverse generashun," jesus replid, "how long shall i stay wif u? How long shall i put up wif u? Brin teh boy hear 2 me."18 Jesus rebukd teh demon, an it came out ov teh boy, an he wuz heald frum dat moment.19 den teh disciplez came 2 jesus in private an askd, "y couldnt we driv it out?"20 He replid, "cuz u has so lil faith.21 Srsly i tells u, if u has faith as tiny as kibble, u can say 2 dis mountain, moov!, an it will moov. Nothin will be imposible 4 u!"

Jesus predicts his death second tiem

22 when they be hangin togethr in galilee, he sed 2 them, "teh son ov man iz goin 2 be deliverd ovar 2 ebil kittehs.23 he will be killd, an on teh third dai he will be back to life but not zombie ew." an his homiez wuz filld wif sad.

Teh temple tax

24 aftr jesus an his disciplez arrivd in capernaum, teh collectors ov teh 2-drachma temple tax came 2 petr an askd, "doesnt ur teachr pai teh temple tax?"25 "yez, he doez," he replid. When petr came into teh houz, jesus wuz teh furst 2 speek. "wut do u finkz, simon?" he askd. "frum whom do teh kings ov teh earth collect duty an taxez -frum their own children or frum others?"26 "frum others," petr anzwerd. "den teh children r exempt," jesus sed 2 him.27 "but so dat we cud not cause offense, go 2 teh laek an throw out ur line. Taek teh furst fish u katch; open itz mouth an u will find 4-drachma coin. Taek it an giv it 2 them 4 mah tax an yours."

Matthew 17
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