Matthew 2

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New Testament


Majic Cats!

1 Nao, when Happy Cat was borned in teh dayz when Herrot teh king wuz rockin the casbah, hai look, dere sum waiz doodz comin frm teh Eats into Jeruslim2 n dey wuz all leik “Rawr! we iz waiz d00ds from teh Eats! Lol but srsly wear iz teh new l33t king j00 dat got borned? In teh eats we wuz in nait timez and omg der wuz dis star in a invisibel plaen n it saied to us ‘go to Jeruslim n find l33t king j00 dat got borned, but do not eated him jus be liek hey leet king j00 yu pwn srsly. k?’ so ya wer is he?”

3 king herrot (teh n00b king) was campin liek a ub3r n00b near der, n wen he heared dis he wuz liek “omfg hez in mah empaire, steelin ma gloriez (an mai cookiez wtf)?!??! n all d pplz in Jeruslim wuz leik “hey yea wtf?!”4 So he got all d pplz who are has teh smartz, ne he sayed “sry im n00b but lol srsly wer doez king j00 spawn?”5 N dey sed to him “lol.. d00d, obviusly king j00 spawns in beetleham, Ceiling Cat sayed to sum gai wun time “O rite dis down n stuff” n he rited:6 “dw beetleham, u r not teh fail, cuz from u iz gunna come dis l33t d00d who cn pwn evry1 n is haz cookiez. Hez gunna saev teh ppl of Israel n whatnot.”

wtf... star said to come here....

7 Den king herrot was liek "kk", n he aksed teh waiz d00ds “u know wen it wuz nait timez n dat star sayed stuff 2 yuz, wen waz dat happen?” n teh waiz d00ds wuz like “lol wut?”8 So king herrot sed “omg dw, juz go too beetleham n look for teh new king j00 n wen u find him IM me coz I wanna sai to him how much he pwnz. (har har har I are smartz…)”9 After dat dey wuz on der way n teh star in a invisibel plaen waz fast. Srsly. n it wuz liek “hai2u! good job d00ds! btw teh king j00 is ova here my plaen is pointing 2 wer he iz, k?”10 Teh wiez d00ds wuz leik “kthx we cn see wer he iz now!” n wuz happi n stuff.11 Dey goed dere n seed baby Happy Cat n maerdy who wuz are who bornded him. n dey were liek “d00d u r teh new king u pwn srsly! lol u are so l33t! omfg < ltrly! Btw we bringd u sum cheezburgrs n munniez n funerul stuff (srsly), u can has dem if u want.”12 Aftr dat dey waz about to IM king herrot den wun of dem sayd “o, actuly, I hasd a dream at nait timez n ceiling cat wuz like “hey sup d00d.” n I wuz liek “nm, u?” n he wuz liek “nm but d00d get dis, king herrot r liez tbh. He iz lookin for Happy Cat so he cn pwn him wtf!!!?” Den I woke up bt srsly Ceiling Cat sed dat.” So teh udder waiz d00ds sayed “o wtf, I haet dat n00b king herod wtf is hiz problem” n dey all goed bak to der hoem in d eats bi differnt way.

scaping to teh ejiptz0rz

13 And wen dey were gone teh hover d00dz of teh Ceiling Cat appeareded to Jozif and sayed "Hai, get up nao, and taek kitlin and mudder into Eejippt0rz, and stay dere till I sez, cos Herrot is lukin for teh kitlin and him gonna pwn him!"14 And him got up and taeked Happy Cat and him mundder into Eejippt0rz at nait:15 and stayed dere til Herrot was "lol *dead*", so ting wud be liek teh profet sayed wen he sayed "Out of Eejippt0rz I done called mah son"16 B4 he dyd, Herrot, wen he saw teh wies men was lollin at him, was rlly ticked, so him goed owt and pwned all teh kitlins dat woz in Beetleham, and teh beaches round dere, dat was under 2, cuz teh kitlin he waanted to pwn was dat age.17 Dat was teh way teh profet Jer-Mewer sayed

18 In Romma dere was a mew herd, crine vaerdy sadly, Raychul crine for her kitlins, and wud not be comfortd, cuz dey iz gon.

Inspeerayshunal Veedyo (X-mas)


Da return to teh Nazref

19 But wen Herrot wuz "lol *dead*", and hover d00d frm Ceiling Cat came to Joezif in a dreen20 sayin "Hai, j00 can go hoem nao, Herrot am dead, lol"21 And him went home to Izreal wit teh kitlin and him mudder.22 But wen him herd dat Archie'lolz was n00b king nao afer him dad Herrot, him was scaerdy to go dere; also, Ceiling Cat sed, "hai, joo dreemin, but n00b king still wantz pwn joo." So him went Gallalee insted:23 and him moved into Nazref, so teh profets wud be rite wen dey sed "Ppl gonna call him a Nazreem"

Inspeerayshunal Veedyo Feliz Navidad (Merry Christmas)


Matthew 2
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