Matthew 22

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Teh parable ov teh weddin banquet

1 jesus spoke 2 them again in parablez, sayin:2 "teh kingdom ov heaven iz liek king hoo prepard weddin banquet 4 his son.3 he sent his servants 2 dose hoo had been invitd 2 teh banquet 2 tell them 2 come, but they refusd 2 come.4 "den he sent sum moar servants an sed, tell dose hoo has been invitd dat i has prepard mah dinnr: mah oxen an fattend kattle has been butcherd, an evrythin iz ready. Come 2 teh weddin banquet.5 "but they paid no attenshun an went off—wan 2 his field, anothr 2 his busines.6 teh rest seizd his servants, mistreatd them an killd them.7 teh king wuz enragd. He sent his army an destroyd dose murderers an burnd their city.8 "den he sed 2 his servants, teh weddin banquet iz ready, but dose i invitd did not deserve 2 come.9 go 2 teh street corners an invite 2 teh banquet anyone u find.10 so teh servants went out into teh streets an gatherd all teh peeps they cud find, teh bad as well as teh gud, an teh weddin hall wuz filld wif guests.11 "but when teh king came in 2 c teh guests, he noticd man thar hoo wuz not wearin weddin clothez.12 frend, he askd, how did u git in her without weddin clothez? Teh man wuz speechles.13 "den teh king told teh attendants, tie him hand an foot, an throw him outside, into teh darknes, wer thar will be weepin an gnashin ov teeth.14 "4 lotz da r invitd, but few r chosen."

I Can Haz Taxes???

{15 den teh fariseez went out an laid planz 2 trap him in his werdz.16 they sent their disciplez 2 him along wif teh herodianz. "teachr," they sed, "we knoe dat u r man ov integrity an dat u teach teh wai ov ceilin cat in accordance wif teh truth. U arent swayd by others, cuz u pai no attenshun 2 hoo they r.17 tell us den, wut iz ur opinion? Iz rite 2 pai teh imperial tax [a] 2 caesar or not?"18 but jesus, knowin their evil intent, sed, "u hypocritez, y r u tryin 2 trap me?19 show me teh coin usd 4 payin teh tax." they brought him denarius,20 an he askd them, "whose image iz dis? An whose inscripshun?"21 "caesars," they replid. Den he sed 2 them, "giv bak 2 caesar wut iz caesars, an 2 ceilin cat wut iz ceilin cats."22 when they herd dis, they wuz amazd. So they left him an went away.

Marrij at teh resurrecshun

23 dat same dai teh sadduceez, hoo say thar iz no resurrecshun, came 2 him wif queshun.24 "teachr," they sed, "mosez told us dat if man diez without havin children, his brothr must marry teh widow an raize up offsprin 4 him.25 nao thar wuz 7 brothers among us. Teh furst wan marrid an did, an since he had no children, he left his wife 2 his brothr.26 teh same ting happend 2 teh second an third brothr, rite on down 2 teh seventh.27 finally, teh woman did.28 nao den, at teh resurrecshun, whose wife will she be ov teh 7, since all ov them wuz marrid 2 her?"29 jesus replid, "u r in error cuz u do not knoe teh scripturez or teh powr ov ceilin cat.30 at teh resurrecshun peeps will neithr marry nor be given in marriage; they will be liek teh angels in heaven.31 but bout teh resurrecshun ov teh ded—has u not read wut ceilin cat sed 2 u,32 i r ceilin cat ov abraham, teh ceilin cat ov isaac, an teh ceilin cat ov jacob [b]? He iz not teh ceilin cat ov teh ded but ov teh livin."33 when teh crowdz herd dis, they wuz astonishd at his teachin!

Teh greatest commandment!

34 hearin dat jebus had silencd teh sadduceez, teh fariseez got togethr.35 wan ov them, an expert in da law, testd him wif dis queshun:36 "teachr, which iz teh greatest commandment in da law?"37 jesus replid: " luv teh lord ur ceilin cat wif all ur hart an wif all ur soul an wif all ur mind. [c]38 dis ar teh teh furst an greatest commandment.39 an teh second iz liek it: luv ur neighbor as yourself. [d]40 all teh law an teh profets hang on thees 2 commandments."

Whose son iz teh mesiah?

41 while teh fariseez wuz gatherd togethr, jebus askd them,42 "wut do u finkz bout teh mesiah? Whose son iz he?" "teh son ov david," they replid.43 he sed 2 them, "how iz den dat david, speakin by teh spirit, calls him lord? 4 he sez,44 " teh lord sed 2 mah lord: "sit at mah rite hand Til i put ur enemiez Undr ur feet." [e]45 if den david calls him lord, how can he be his son?" 46 no wan cud say werd in reply, an frum dat dai on no wan dard 2 ask him any moar queshuns.

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Matthew 22
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