Matthew 5

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New Testament


teh catitudes

1 Wen he seez lotz kittehz, he climbz tree. His BFz climbz tree too.

2 He sez hai and he teaches teh kittehs, he sez:

3 Cheezburgrz 4 teh n00b kittehs, theys can has teh Ceiling.

4 Cheezburgrz 4 teh sad kittehs, theys can has petting.

5 Cheezburgrz 4 teh m33k kittehs, theys can has teh urfs.

6 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs who sez "I can has gud, plz?", theys can has it.

7 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs dat no pwns, Ceiling Cat no pwnz0rz thems.

8 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs wiff purr in hartz, theys can sees Ceiling Cat.

9 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs dat sez shhhhh!, Ceiling Cat is liek "u mai kittehs."

10 Cheezburgrz 4 teh kittehs dat gets pwned by otehrs fur haz gud, theys can has teh Ceiling too.

11 Cheezburgrz if otehrs be liek "DO NOT WANT" 2 u, an liez abt u, coz of meh.

12 B teh happys n party, coz u can has cookiez n cakez in Ceiling. Iz liek wen theys been liek "DO NOT WANT" to all teh holee kittehs b4.

Teh Cheezburgerz and teh meme

13 u r teh cheezburgerz. if cheezburgerz haz no cheez, taste bad. trashcat can has it.

14 u r teh meme of teh internet. lolcat pic online iz not invizible.

15 emos dont frendslock lj posts. tehy post public 4 all teh internetz.

16 u 2 post lolcat pic online so internetz is liek "OMG! ur so k00l! Ceiling Cat rockz!"

17 dont break law. im in ur urfs fulfillin ur propheciez

18 iz all true. srsly. law iz not deleted

19 if u break law, no can has cheezburger. if u teach law, can has lotz cookiez

20 u b good kittehz or Ceiling Cat is liek "bad kittehz! u can not has mi pad!"

Killin ur d00dz

21 u kno if u pwnz0rz, Ceiling Cat is liek "wtf? bad kittehz!"

22 but if u is liek "u n00b!", uz betr off in trashcan, srsly.

23 if u has gift 4 Ceiling Cat n u has pwned ur brother

24 ur brother can has hugs b4 u give gift 2 Ceiling Cat

25 lawyers screw u. settle out of court. srsly

26 or they take all ur $$. iz all true. srsly.


27 Ceiling Cat iz liek "no buttsecks!!1!1 bad kittehz!"

28 but im liek "wtf? im in ur brain, watching u think about it"

29 if ur eye makez u bad kitteh, scratch it out with ur claws, or uz betr off in trashcan, srsly.

30 if ur paw makez u bad kitteh, bite it off, or uz betr off in trashcan, srsly.


31 Ceiling Cat iz liek "pay divorce lawyer"

32 but im like "divorcee iz slut. uz betr off in trashcan, srsly."


33 Ceiling Cat iz liek "dont break oath or i break u!!1!"

34 but im like "omgwtf? dont swear by Ceiling Catz pad

35 "or by Ceiling Catz paws on floor

36 "or by ur fir

37 "ya rly:=ya rly; no wai:=no wai. else evil kitteh."

A Eye for a Eye

38 Ceiling Cat iz liek "i 4 i, fnag 4 fang"

39 but im liek if bad kittehz spank u, turn otehr cheek

40 if bad kittehz take ur fir, give ur tail 2 41 if dogs chase u 1 mile, run 2

Luvin ur enemiz LOL

42 if u makes a cookie 4 some1, doe not eated it

43 kittehz iz liek "wuv ur BFFz, hate bad kittehz"

44 but im liek "wuv bad kittehz 2"

45 u r all Ceiling Catz kittenz. Sun shines on good kittehz and bad. Also rain :-(

46 if u wuv only ur BFFs, u no can has cheezburger. even teh IRS d00dz do taht!

47 if u iz liek "oh hai" 2 only ur BFFs, wtf? only n00bz do taht.

48 b k00l liek teh Ceiling Cat

Matthew 5
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