Matthew 8

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New Testament
teh Lep0rz d00d


Lep0rz D00d

1 Wen he comz down from teh mountins, alll deez ppl caem too. 2 An den, lepr wuz liek "O hai scuz me Jebus, i has all dees icky sorz, u can fix PLZ?!"!!!! 3 Jebus waz liek "Ookai kitteh i will fix u" n jus liek dat he wuz all betteh. 4 But Jebus also wispurd one mor ting "eksep SH jus keep it sekrit k, go to teh cheefs n show dem"

The fayf of teh centyooreean

5 When Jebus went 2 Capernom, he wuz alred gettin buggd lol dis guy caem up 6 an wus liek "Jebus mah kitteh is dyinz an hurtin rly bad!!1!" 7 Jebus sez "Is okai I can fix" 8 He sez "Jebus u iz tu kool for mah hous, mebbe jus heel frum here or sumtin?" 9 "Cuz I pwn mah own kittehs too, I ses "go over der kitteh" n dey go, or I say "heyoo COMEZ," n dey comez. I sez to kittehs "get me cookeh" den dey gets meh sum cookehs" 10 Jebus was liek "LOLomg. Yoo haz mor faif thn all mah own kittehs!!" 11 "Srsly, pplz will com frum all over dah plaes 2 nom delishus cheezburgers wit mah koolest kittehs in dah ceiling" 12 "anden dah stinkeh kittehs will b dropped in dah water n getz all wet, an dey will cryy an sai "HALP" an never has any cookehs" 13 Den Jebus sez 2 him "Go, your kitteh iz betteh becuz uf ur faif kthxbai." And poof right den he wuz betteh, just liek dat."

Happy Cat fixes ppl

14 Happy Cat wentz to Peterz haus, n iz mudda in law was dyingz! 15 So he jus tuched her n she wuz betteh, so she got up n madez him sum cookehs n lukd after him. 16 At nite time all deez ppl brot der frends who hadz demonz to Happy Cat, n Happy Cat hissd at teh demonz and dey rund away and he maed all teh kittehs betteh. 17 Dis wuz jus liek Isaiah sed before: "He tuk our sikness an carried all our fleezez."

Happy Cat chalenjez teh krowd

18 Happy Cat seed a hewj krowd comin n sed, "OMG! We gotta go to ova sid uf lake kwik, k?" 19 Den dis one writer kitteh was liek: "O hai, teechur cat! I can followz u forevah!?" 20 An Happy Cat sez to him: "Doggehs haz sofas, burdiez haz nests, but i has a Invisible bed." 21 Dis othr gai was liek: "Okai tcher I can followz you! O but brb I can clean meh litter box first, k?" 22 But Happy Cat sez: "NoOo kitteh com nao, u let ur p00p cleanz itself."

Happy Cat tells teh storm to shuddup

23 One tiem, Happy Cat went in a boat wit his dissypels. 24 Den all da sudden, WHOA!! dis BIG HEWJ St0RM caemd and start pwning teh b0at!!1! but Happy Cat wuz jus sleepin tru dah hol ting!! 25 so him dissypels starts shakin him and wer all like, "D00d HAPPY CAT WAEK UP!! teh ship be sinkin! We all goin get wet, DO NOT WANT!!!" 26 So Happy Cat sai, "Omg. Yoo get me up for sum st00pid wind?! Wut, u tink i will jus let u get all wet an sink? Yoo are n00bs with no fayf! SRSLY." So Happy Cat gotz up an told the st0rm to shut up so he could get sum moer sleepz. 27 Teh dissypels wer all liek, "WHOOA OMG GAIS didz u see dat?!? Dis gai ttly pwns da wind an efrytin!"

M0RTAL K0MBAT wif som Demonz!!

28 Happy Cat finaly reachded land He walked down deh rohd to Gadara, and two gais wif demuns in them jumped in front of him. And dey wer all big n tuff. 29 Den dey shoutz, "HEYOO, Alm!ghty Jebus, wat choo want wit us newayz?! You gunna pwn us alredy??" 30 And der wer all deez piggehs eatin over der. 31 So teh demonz sai, "O noes.. If yu gunna pwn us, plz jus put us in teh piggehs?" 32 Happy Cat sez to dem "Okai fine. go in teh piggehs," an teh demons went in teh piggys. Teh piggehs ten became ttly emo an dey all jumped in teh lake an drownz. 33 Deez gais hu wer watching were like "OMG!!" an dey went an teld all der frends bout hao Happy Cat pwnd teh demonz. 34 An all deh ppl wer totly freekin out an ran out and sed to Happy Cat "Okai, heyoo guy who pwnd teh piggehs, DO NOT WANT. Yoo has to leav nao, srsly."

Matthew 8
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