Proverbs 11

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Old Testament

1 Ceiling Cat don liek wen u be eeten da candiez wifowt payin
 but he purz an stuf wen u pay upfrunt at da register srsly

2 If'n kittehs r finkin "I'm so hot", dey r soo stoopid,
 but if kittehs r lyk, "I ain kewl! I sux!" den dey b smrt kittehs hoo b humbel an gud.

3 Teh gudness of teh gud kitteh shows dem wer to go,
 but h8r kittehs getz lost cuz der lies r liek, "Don't go dat wai!"

4 Bukkits will not sav u on teh Caturday of raff,
 but gudness delibers a kitteh from deff. Whew! Dat wuz close!

5 Teh gudness of gud kittehs mayks teh wai strait.
 And dats gud cuz crookid lines mayk u dizzy.
 and teh haiterz ar pwnd by der own haiterness. thats harsh.

6 Teh gudness ov teh gud kittehs delibers dem,
 but teh haiterz will be trapt by ther own ebil. IT'S A TRAP!

7 Wen a haiter is liek, "Blargh i'm ded!" Den hiz hopes r ded liek him,
 and awl he 'spected frum hiz p0wrz r liek nuthin.

8 Gud kittehs is wescued from FAILS and FAILS flyz ovr ther hedz
 to teh haiterz and iz lyk, "I gotcha! Boom, headshot!"

9 Wif hiz mouf, a haiter pwnz hiz naybur, Wat a douf!
 but wif knowlidge, teh gud kitteh, can GTFO!

10 Wen gud kittehs haz lots ov bukkits, awl teh bayses can haz happy!
 wen haiterz r ded, kittehs prayz teh Ceiling Cat.

11 Wif teh bukkits of a gud kitteh, teh hole base is totally kewl!
 but wif teh mouf of a haiter, the base is deestroid. Oh Noes!

12 A kitteh who iz stoopid, pwnz hiz nayber,
 but a smrt kitteh lets teh kitteh get hiz tung

13 A blabby kitteh who talks to much sux big harbls.
 Lyk if'n he tells othr kittehs about hiz wifes flavr, dat just isnt kewl!
 but a kitteh who nos to shut hiz mouf and no tellz about seekrit bases,
 or wat othrs do on teh intranets, den he iz trustwervy fer shur!"

14 No guydense mayks nashuns fall down,
 but smarty art kittehs scoar big winz! YAY!

15 Teh kitteh who duz security jobz for othr kittehs will be pwnd.
 But teh kitteh who no shakes on it will b safes.

16 A gud wimminz getz mad props. w00t!
 a haiter getz lotza cheddr. Moneez iz rootz of ebil, peepl! watch out!

17 A gud kitteh gets gud bak to hym.
 But stoopid haiters brings FAILZ on demselvz. HA HA!! der livz sux harbls! so sorry!

18 Haiterz get bukkitz wif holez in dem. SSHHH! iz seekrit!
 But gud, rychuss kittehs getz all da cakez to NOM, lyk itz der berfday or sumthin,
 and gets mad belly rubs, kthx!

19 Teh mad awsum kittehs gets lyf foreber! Sweet!
 But kittehs who lookz for ebil diez, totally ded. POW POW!

20 O rytchuss Ceiling Cat haitsez teh perberts, ya no those d00ds who look at kitteh pr0nz on da
 intrawebs. Ceiling Cat sees what dey did ther, and he do not want!.
 But he giv belly rubs to teh gud kittehs who no look at pr0nz and who do all gud tings to othrs. Is tru!

21 B shur of whut I sez, all the haiterz will getz pwnz0rd.
 but gud kittehs who sharez der cheezbergerz wif po' kittehs who hav nun, will be deliberd.

22 Lyk gud fuudz in a doggie bowl, iz a ho who lifts her tailz for anywon.
 Srsly, she haz teh herpeez.
 and u do not want teh herpeez, it burnz and all peepl will sees dat u got wif a nasty kitteh.

23 Teh rytchuss kittehs haz all der wishes grantd, Lyk wen Jambi sez Meka Leka Hi!
 But ebil kittehs sux and no gets wishes. Srsly.

24 One kittehs givs his bukkitz awai, getz to moar bukkits, Srsly, Whoa!
 Selfish kittehs who no sharez bukkits will get bukkitz taken awai.
 And den dey will crai, "Wherz Mah Bukkitz?"

25 Kittehs who sharez bukkitz, getz moar bukkitz, yah, i sez dat up der to!
 kittehs who giv milkzes to kittehs who ar firsty, will hav milkzes foar him!
 Wut? I sez, giv milkzes and u get milksez, srsly!

26 kittehs hiss at n00bz who no sharez der cheezbergers.
 but Ceiling Cat rewerdz kittehs dat sharez ther bukkitz.

27 Kittehs who looks out windoes and seez teh gud dat u did ther,
 will find teh gud u did to be gud. I kno, confooz'd fer shur,
 but I tell teh truffs.
 but ebil coms to teh kitteh who lookz for ebil, dat maks sense, srsly.

28 No trustez ur bukketz cuz dey tripz u an u no land on ur feetz, srsly, mythbustd.
 but rytchuss kittehs will get lotz of catnipz.

29 if yooz bringz FAILZ on ur mamas an daddeez u brings sowndz from teh ceiling
 lyk mani kittehs MIAOWing at wonce. freeky!
 an stoopid n00bz will servs teh smarty art kittehs.
 and bring dem bestest cheezbergerz but dey no can eated dem.

30 Teh fruitz0rz ov teh rychuss kittehs is lyk teh treez of lyf!
 and kittehs who haz teh controhlerz and winz soals is a smarty art kitteh.

31 if rychuss kittehs getz der bukkitz on da urfs,
 what u think stoopid n00bz get in hellz? Nuthin! no bukkitz,
 no catnipz, no belly rubs, ownlee crai and waterbaths but u do not want.
 Wow, dat deep stuffz. Nao, u herd wut i sez so yooz be gud kittehs and sharez ur bukkits.
 So sayeth teh Ceiling Cat. A-miaw.

Proverbs 11
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