Revelation 7

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New Testament
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1 An after dose tings ai sawed 4 Birdcatz standin on teh four kornerz of urths. Dem holded teh four windz of teh urths so dem diddent blow on teh urths an oashuns an tweez an stufs.2 An ai sawed anudder Birdcat goin' up from teh east, carrying teh bukkits of teh living Ceiling Cat: and shouteded to teh four Birdcatz, to dose dudez it wuz givin to hurt teh urths and teh sea,3 An him sayed, Dun hurt teh urths an oashuns an pwetty treez, til we giv teh servantz cheezburgers and putted dem in bukkits so they dun get hurted,4 An ai hurd a bunch of dem wif noe cheezburgers: and there were a bazillion of all teh different kittehs from everwear trapt in bukkits.5 Of teh tribe of Juda were Juda cats. Of teh tribe of Reuben were a tasty sandwich, full of cornd beef an coleslaw, jus like teh Juda cat. Same for teh Gad kittehs. Trapt in bukkits, all of dem.6 Same wif the tribe of Aser. An teh tribe of Neftuhlim. An Manasses. O noes! Bukkits everwear!7 Same went fur teh trybe of Simeon, an all dere cheezburgrs. An teh trybe of Levi, had no moar jeenz to wear. An teh tribe of Issachar too, anudder bazillion pplz, all in bukkits!8 An teh tribe of Zabulon, was stuk in bukkits too. An teh tribe of Joey, in bukkits. An Ben, sealed in bukkits, twelve thousand pplz dey sayed.

9 Ai was laik, "O Hai, bazillion pplz!" Dey lookn at teh frone an teh Lamb, all white kittehs, wlv palms in their paws, and they had a flavor;10 Pplz was shoutin laik "keep dat Ceiling Cat on teh frone!!" an "yah ok ai likz teh Lamb 2"

11 All dem Birdcatz round teh frone an teh old catz an teh 4 beasts, dem falled dwn rite on dem kitteh nosez! OWCH it hurty but not too bad. Dey worshipin Ceiling Cat.12 Sayed, Ramen: "cheezburgrs, an powr an all good stuffs. You can has Ceiling Cat 24 7 forevers, plz?. kthxbye."

13 One of teh elderz kittehs is laik, "What white kittehs? Were dey at?"14 So I's sayed, dun u know lol. He was liek, "Dese workin hard, an have licked demselfs clean, maid dem white in teh icky Lamb blood. It taste bad!"15 U see, dey'z befoar teh frone of Ceiling Cat, dey bring him catnip an treats in his catbox: an he dat get petted on teh couch is allowed to lie on couch forever and not get teh sqwirt gun.16 Dun be hungwy and firsty no moar; noar shall teh sun be warm on dey bellies.17 For teh Lamb shall refill teh food bowl, an shall lead them unto teh awe-toe-matic water fountains: an Ceiling Cat promises to wipe gunk from all ur eyes.

Revelation 7
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