Revelation 8

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New Testament
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Teh Angelz bring Apokolipz
De sebbenth bukkit an teh blingy burnin pot

1 OMG! Teh sevunth bucket gotted open, and everyone got shushed. Quiet! But only for half hour k?2 And teh Ceiling Cat gived teh sevin ayngelz sevin trumpets.3 One moar cam an stood at teh altar, burnin incents, cuz he was a hippy lol. He showd it off to teh other ayngelz and saints an sayed "I can has goldun senserr?" but he not need tehy're yeses cuz he already haz it, and he showeded tehm off.4 Teh smokeys comed up form teh angulz and burnded Ceiling Cats eyez. Ceiling Cat was all "You n00bz stop burnin incentz in teh hous!"5 An so teh ayngel tooked teh sensor, but he not eated it, and he was happy. But he burnz it and throwz it on teh floors outside insted, and then hurd voices an a thunderstorm comin.

Noizy hornz bust up ebberiting

6 Teh sevin ayngelz suckt in their bref so they could practice wif their trumpetz.

7 Fur some reason teh first ayngelz trumpet wuz full of fire, blood and hail! It burnt up a buncha trees and grass.

8 Teh seckind ayngel lukt at him and said "You not do it rite! You gotsta use ur diafram lol" An he blew his trumpetz and it somehow burneded a whole mountain up and then blew it up into teh oshun. The rest of teh oshun becam blud and gutz.9 All teh stoopid aminals in teh sea were died; but luckly only a third of teh ships were hurt.

10 Teh fird ayngel blew his trumpet, but his was rly a flashlite,11 Which they thought was a star becuz they n00bz. Teh water became gross and icky but ppl still drank it so lotsa ppl got molearia and dieded.

12 Teh fourth ayngel sounded his trumpetz, and he blocked only a third of teh sun, moon, and stars; he wantd it to be dark but not too dark.13 An an ayngel flew on an invisible plane thru the mist and sayed Whoa nelly! 3 moar ayngelz not even practist their trumpetz yet lol!

Revelation 8
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