Revelation 9

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New Testament

1 An teh fif hovr d00d sowndz, an ah seez sum star fallin from ceilin' ta flor, an he hash kayz to teh pits.2 An he oepend teh pit, an lotsa shmoke caem from teh pit, an we no can haz liet.3 An big inzectz caem outa the flor an they has big powrz like a skorpeenz of flor.4 An they no can burn gwass or gween shtuff but only mawle an femail kitteh wit no head sealz.5 An teh skorpeenz no can kill teh kittehz, only torrment for fiev monfs an teh torrment is liek skorpeen stings.6 An then kittehz sayz Is it can be deth tiem nao pleex?" an kittehz no can has deth. Kittehz want to die nao, but deth iz runnin from tehm.7 An teh inzectz were liek horshez in battel an dey haz crownz liek gold an faces liek menz.8 An dey has wimminz hairz and teefs dat maek kittehs get in teh car.9 An they has brestplaets but brestplates were for armor not cheezburgers. An the brestplaets were liek iern and they has wingz liek chariots of horzes in batel.10 An tehy has skorpeen tailz and stingz in teh tailz, an tehy can make men has pain five monfs.11 An tehy has a Admiral Cat oevr dem, witch is liek teh hovr d00d of teh pits, who called Abaddon in heebrew, but in greak he can haz naem apple-yon.

12 One sad tiem is gone, but moar sad tiems is coming.

13 An hovr d00d six soundz, an i erd voicez from teh fore orns of teh golden altr by Ceiling Cat,14 An it sez dat six hovr d00d who can has trumpets make lose teh fore angles which r bound in teh great rivr youfrayteez.15 An teh fore angles was losed, witch prepaers for a howr an a day an a monf an a yeer for to kill third kittehz.16 An dere was too hundret thousant hoarsemans, an i herd teh numbr.17 An teh hoarsemans look liek dat in mah vision an dem dat sits on hoarsemans has brestplaet of fire and of ja-sinth, an brimestoan: an teh heds of hoarses were maeking kittehz get in teh car, an out of dere mouth caem fier and smoke an brimstoan.18 By these thwee was thiwd kittehz kilt, by fier, and smoek, an brimstoen which came out dere mouth.19 For teihr powerz is can had in dere mouth an in teir tailz, for tere tails were liek surpens, an day has heads which hurt wif zem.

20 An rest of teh kittehz witch was not kilt by playgz dun say sorry for works of they pawz, dat they should not wurship basement cat and idles of gold n silver n bass n stone n wood whoich cant see or hear or walk.21 Tehy no say sorry for teh killinz or witchcrafts or raepings or steelin.

Revelation 9
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